48 hours

     Not two days ago, I had sat down to write a follow-up to Thursday's story of being sick. It was all about how I'd finally just faced the music, accepted that I was sick and took care of myself. I was very proud because I got tea, got aspirin and cough drops, and slept for like 20 hours straight. I wasn't happy about the fact that I was ill, but I was at least going to take care of myself.

     Today, however, I'm feeling both not as good, and yet better, after a mere 48 hours. Today was Navy Day- a celebration and remembrance of people who serve or have served in the Navy. We had heard that there was going to be a big parade to kick the day off, and then we could take tours of the boats, so Petra (my Croatian friend) and I got up at 9:30 and took the bus down to the river. We didn't see anything, though, so we walked across the bridge to the other side of the river, just in time to see them start breaking down grandstands and camera crews.

The Russian version of a news truck.

Not over yet.

     So apparently my downward spiral hasn't quite hit bottom yet. While the official days for the seminars are over, we still have Russian classes next week- not a huge deal, as they're only in the morning, so we get the afternoon to go explore. I woke up yesterday with a scratchy throat, however, and today has been an exercise in finding paper products once I burned through my pack o' faux kleenexes to try to contain my leaky nose. As of 10pm, I have sinus congestion, a headache, and if I try to talk, I start coughing. I suspect that tomorrow will be spent in bed, or walking in the house so I can get some exercise without coming back with a pocket full o' snotrags.

     Yes, I made that one, specifically for how I feel right now. I am beginning to suspect that one simply cannot have a good visit to Russia- it's not allowed. Despite trying put the best face I can on everything, I think I'm done. Can't wait to get home, or at least back to a country where they know what cleanliness and sanity are. 

Some people

     This morning, I was the only one in the apartment, as my roommates all had Russian classes in the morning. I did homework, made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, and wrote postcards to pass the morning, then got my stuff together and headed out. Oddly, however, I couldn't find a key. The situation is that you get one key per room, and the front door locks both on the inside and the outside- that is, you can't accidentally lock the door, but you can lock someone else out or in. I searched and searched for the key, but it was nowhere to be found.

     After silently thanking my two good roommates for not locking the door when they knew I was there (i.e., locking me in), I went downstairs, leaving the apartment empty and unlocked, and asked the front desk if they had my key. It turns out they did, so I was able to go back upstairs and lock it, then head back downstairs and go to school, but I was more than a little ticked off at the wasted time and possibility of being locked in. I texted the bad roommate- ms. motormouth from earlier posts- and told her that she is an adult, and shouldn't need me to tell her how to handle the key situation. I got no response, but when I ran into her at college later, this is what happened:

Low point

     I know that recent posts have not been particularly uplifting, and I apologize for that, but I'm hoping that today marks the low point of the trip, and that things start looking up from here. While today was not overtly horrible, a few salient points marked this being the nadir of my enthusiasm to be here.

     The day dawned, once again, cold, wet, and windy. I had managed to get to bed around midnight, but as usual, my roommate's alarm went off at 6:30 so she could get up and talk with her boyfriend... as if she hadn't done so until 11:30 at night, too. I squeezed in another hour's worth of drowsing, but since it gets light at 4:30am, sleep was elusive. After a long, damp bus ride to school, the room where class was held was overly warm, and I literally fell asleep with my eyes open a time or two.

A weekend off

     Since I still don't have internet in my block, I decided to go to the local Coffee House (literally Кофе Хаус for those of you who know the cyrillic alphabet) and test out the "free high speed internet" that everyone was talking about. I'd hoped that maybe things had improved since the last time I tried using free internet at the McDonald's back in 2010, but alas, it was not to be.

     While I will admit that the internet here allows for much faster loading of things like comics, Facebook, and email, trying to use Skype to talk to my family back home was nothing if not stressful. Even with the video shut down, there was horrific lag and random gaps in the transmission. While the 15 Mb limit that was present last time was not in effect, the provider did manage to shut down the connection every 15 minutes, instead, and make you click on their little "aren't we awesome for giving you free wifi?" ad that popped up in order to get back on. Add in the thump thump of bad Russian-voiceover American techno in the background, and I have to say, I'm not impressed.

     I did manage to make friends with the lone representative of Croatia in the program here, however, as she is the only other strong-minded, outspoken woman in the group. The two of us ended up going out for dinner on Saturday, and stayed out talking until 2 am (it's very hard to judge time when it looks like 4 in the afternoon until right before the sun sets, at 11:30 or so). She managed to put words to a couple things that have been bouncing around in the back of my head, even if they're not terribly complimentary.

Halfway mark

     I was writing in my journal today when I realized that I've hit the halfway point of my time here in Russia. As excited as I am to get back home and have access to things like tacos, a vacuum cleaner, a washer and dryer, and my own bed, I have to say that this trip has been amazing. I read back over what I'd written the first time I was here, and it was basically a litany of severe unhappiness in the face of an unknown and incomprehensible country. Here are a few brief comparisons of the major differences:

     Many of the people here ask about the last time I visited, and almost without fail, they say "I'm amazed you came back!" As my dad pointed out, however, far better that it be this way than that I had a great first trip and returned to have a miserable one. Here's to another great 2 weeks!

Lazy day

     This Wednesday, classes were cancelled for something called the CultFest/ CogFest here at St. Pete's. Apparently, it's a thing that the NY school puts on where anyone- from any country- can do a (five minute) presentation on whatever they've been researching for the past couple years. Since the topics that were proposed looked absolutely stultifying to me, I decided to take a day off instead. The day dawned grey and windy, so I slept in a little later than usual. The first five hours of my day were spent reading the Hunger Games trilogy, a series I do recommend, although I agree with critics that it doesn't really give a strong female lead character. Katniss pretty much just reacts to everything that happens to her, rather than actually planning out her life. Still, it's better than the Twilight or 50 Shades trilogies that we've been subjected to lately, so pick it up!

     Having been cooped up inside the house for so long, I decided to take a walk. It was my usual rambling, unguided, and informational walk that usually starts with "I wonder what's in this direction," and ends when I'm tired. Yesterday was no exception, and I got substantially more familiar with the area around our apartments. As usual, however, I got stopped and asked for directions, something that happens at least once a day, if not more. I'm not sure if people think I just look helpful or what, but it's a consistent thing in this country. At least now I know how to answer!

Weekend Pictures

     In apologies for this being put up late, here is a slightly over-the-top (and badly-filmed on an inexpensive camera) video of the opening ceremony at Peterhof Gardens. There are something like 300+ fountains in the entire park, and 100+ of them are in one location: the display directly in front of the castle. This is what we got up at 8am to try to catch; apparently the people in front of us had gotten up at 6 to be there at 8 so they could get front-row seats for the 10:30 commencement. It's pretty, but not enough to wake up at 6 am, in my opinion. Here goes!

     With that done, here are some pictures of the gardens, randomly selected from the twenty or so that I took throughout the day.

The Gulf of Finland- the only place I've been where the
clouds make me feel claustrophobic.

Quick Monday

     I'm mildly ashamed to say that I forgot the cable to connect my camera to my computer, so the pictures and video that I took yesterday at Peterhof will have to be delayed til tomorrow. The good news, though, is that I was able to get said pictures, and I don't have afternoon classes tomorrow, so I should have plenty of time to upload everything here... provided I don't forget to put it all on my computer first.

     Yesterday was wonderful- we did end up going to Peterhof gardens, and while it was overcast and windy, it wasn't actively raining. We managed to get going before 9am, and took the "ferry," a decently-sized hydrofoil taxi, arriving before they turned the fountains on for the day. There were people who had gotten there hours ahead of time, so we didn't have the best view, but I still managed to get some shots of the whole thing. We wandered around as a group (an activity I hate, because everyone has different ideas of how fast to walk and what's interesting) for a couple hours, then had lunch at the same place I went last time I was there. It was kinda neat, though, because this time I knew how to order in Russian and didn't have to wait for our shepherd/ translator.

Stock photo of a rare, clear day at Peterhof.

Weekend! (plus pictures)

     At last, at last, the weekend is here! Sadly, that means my time here is 1/4 done, but I still intend to make the best of it. We had a meeting this morning to sign yet another Russian document- we're all trusting Kirill (our Russian leader over here) to ensure that they're not selling off our firstborns or anything like that. Anyhow, that was at 11:30, lasting til about 12:30, and then we were free. I'm slightly ashamed to report that I slept until about 10:30, having gone to bed just after midnight. I don't know if it's the weight of the humid, denser air down here or all the walking we do, but I'm sleeping at least 9-10 hours every night. I'm one of the few who do, though, as most of my group is underage and delights in getting smashed at every opportunity, coming back home at about 2 or 3 am. To each their own, I'd rather be well-rested.
 
     Anyhow, decided to walk around down on Nevski Prospect- the incredibly wide street that runs almost the length of St. Pete's and has an amazing number of restaurants and shops. I went again to Dom Knigi and managed to find the kid's section this time, coming back with two books of fairy tales that I hope to be able to improve my reading skills on. Along the way, I ran into a display of Navy (as far as I can tell) vehicles that were parked on the huge walkways. For some amount of money, you could hold rifles and get your picture taken with two rather un-war-like females in skimpy dress, but I refrained.

Apologies

     It was brought to my attention that the casual mention on Wednesday of when I was raped was not something many of you were prepared for, and I apologize for that. I have been working and focussing on it for a number of months now, and have finally accepted it, so I didn't realize I hadn't let people in on what was going on. I tend to be fairly close-mouthed when it comes to personal stuff- it was not intended to make anyone feel left out.

     The short version is that I was raped, six years ago, by someone I'd known for a long time as a friend. He told me not to tell anyone and that it was my fault for "being too sexy," and like an idiot, I believed him. I guess the guilt got to him, because he then went and told his wife (and girlfriend... he was not what I'd call a moral person), and they believed it was my fault, and came after me. After much mental and emotional abuse, I finally cut all contact with him, and tried to forget it happened. I didn't tell anyone because, well, it was my fault, right? I know it's not now, but what can I say.

    I hid most of myself from everyone for years afterwards, and the few relationships I attempted went horribly, because I'd internalized his lies that all I was good for was sex. It wasn't until last year, when my sister Suzanne died that it all came back to me, and I started trying to accept it. I was still pretty bitter and closed-in, though, until a chance remark to a friend in WoW opened the door, and he hit me with some hard truths I needed to hear about not letting it hold me back. Maybe I felt it was safe to talk to him because he was only a friend on WoW, and if he considered me a whore and a victim, I could just stop talking to him- I wouldn't potentially lose a close friend or family member.

Schedule

     Finally have a (rough) schedule figured out for the time I'll be here. Language class is Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday mornings- let's hear it for sleeping in! My other classes- Russian "culture" class and one I'm sitting in on called Language, Music and the Mind- are M/W/F from 2pm til 6pm. I have one supplementary class Thursday afternoon from 2:30 - 3:30, but that's just background info on Russia (today we covered the election process and a rough overview of governmental structure). That leaves me a good amount of time where I can go exploring, listen to people talk, and work on some other things I want to do. There are whisperings of weekend trips, but aside from an optional Moscow trip, nothing is set in stone yet.

     I've already gotten a chance to head down to Dom Knigi (House of Books), which I've been waiting 2 years to get back to, and I got myself a pretty decent all-Russian dictionary. This morning on the bus to school, I wrote down random words that I saw and didn't know, so I suspect I may get lost in a dictionary hunt later tonight. Not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm looking forward to it! The atmosphere is so much more relaxed than the last time I was here, especially as my housemates are all stay-out-til-midnight type people, so I get lots of reading time. Now if only I could get the internet at home, I'd be able to research websites that our teachers give us, such as this one, written by an anti-corruption blogger activist out here. Can't complain though, I have plenty to do, and I managed to snag a newspaper today, so even more translation opportunities. Til next time!

Reflections

     Despite having come to Russia to study, well, Russian, I find that the attitude and cultural differences here are pushing me to do a fair bit of soul-searching and self-evaluation as well. Feeling disconnected from society at large has given me the space to really reflect on who I am, who I want to be, and how to reconcile the differences between the two. Don't get me wrong, I'm still soaking in the culture and language, but it's become almost a subconscious thing while I focus on other things (which I suppose is a good thing... I picked up the words and pronunciations of the announcement on the subway the last time I was here before I even knew what the words meant).

     As some of you may know, I was raped six years ago, and it has had a huge influence on my life. I denied it for a good long while, and when I finally admitted it, I hid behind it as a reason for not facing some of the more broken parts of me. A friend in WoW finally smacked me upside the head with some truths I needed to hear, and I've been working with both him and my amazing, accepting, and wonderfully supportive man to get past it. Having the space to work through the crap in my head is a welcome bonus, and I'm hoping to be both better at Russian and in a better place in my head when I get back. Unexpected bonus!

Tuesday update

      So it seems like connectivity and keeping in touch with you all will be much, much easier this time (thank goodness). It turns out that my apartment is one of the few who don't have a current internet connection, but it should be fixed within the next 2 weeks. Even if they don't, however, there is speedy and reliable connection at school, so there will be no vanishing into the ether this time. That also means that you'll be getting more, smaller updates, and probably fewer pictures, since I will mostly be at school or home, rather than gallivanting about the country, starving and cranky.

     Today was the first day of language class, but (because of course it wouldn't be Russia if there weren't some problem), they only had one room for all of us, so we were all together. Keep in mind we have people with everything from one year of Russian all the way through  fluent native speakers, so I wasn't sure how it would go. Thankfully, though, the class that I'm in is the largest, so the prof started going over cases, prefixed verbs of motion (which I still hate, but am getting better at) and a huge variety of vocab. For once, I was exactly where I needed to be, and everyone around me was confused. It turns out that the NY school focusses on reading and writing rather than oral skills (heh), and they were having a hard time keeping up at first.

     One of the other ladies in the group has just convinced me to hit up the shopping area, though, since it's only 2pm, so I'm off. More later!

Russia, post 1

     Hello to you all from very nearly the opposite side of the world! I'm going to preface this entire post by saying: this trip has, so far, been 100% better than the last one. There will doubtless be all kinds of comparisons to that trip, but I'll try to keep them limited. Not sure how much time I have before the next event happens, so I'll get as much down as possible, forgive the messy setup. I am now working off of someone's unsecured wireless router, so I'm gonna see if I can get some pictures up/ more sense made before they figure out how to add a password.

     To start with, the trip here was fine. I and one other person were at the airport before the counters opened up, so we got our seats and got in really fast. We were a bit nervous at first, because no one else  showed up until about 30 minutes before the flight, but we did eventually meet up and were assured we were on the right plane. The flight to Moscow was delayed a bit, and was incredibly uncomfortable, so I didn't get any sleep, choosing to read instead. When we landed in Moscow we had just made it to the baggage pickup area when we heard the last call for our connection flight to St. Petersburg. Fortunately, there were enough of us in the group that they held the flight for us, but it was not the comfortable, relaxed saunter through the airport that I usually go for. The flight to St. Pete's was uneventful, and we landed at 9:30 in the morning.

I was amused as heck that our plane was made by Rolls
Royce, apparently. 

Sunset from a plane flying about the 60th parallel.
Sunrise happened again in 3 hours.

Quick Update #2

     Good news! Just got an email from the Russian-end coordinator of the trip. Despite the last-miunte-ness of the contact, this is not the first year he's been in this position, so hopefully things will be reasonably smooth. The email was mostly just confirmation of stuff we've covered earlier (which I appreciate), but he did also mention that there will be a welcoming dinner when we arrive in St. Pete's- a positive sign that they intend to actually feed us on a regular basis.

     There was also a nice note that they will be showing us where the supermarkets on the island are, as well as local ATMs. They will be providing us with a map of the city (good, since mine from 2010 was used ragged), and metro cards. There will be a guided tour on the second day, after we've had a chance to recover from the 12+ hours of flight, and an optional trip to Moscow at the end of the month. Everything seems to be taken care of and planned ahead- here's hoping that things run smoothly!

     The only odd thing that came up is that the dorms are not actually on campus, as it were. While they are on the same island (thank goodness!), the university dorms are apparently a 30 minute bus ride away from the actual classrooms. I'm hoping that it's a reasonable walking distance as well (since the island isn 't all that big!), and I'll be able to get exercise on a daily basis. So far, though, things look pretty good. Tomorrow, Angel and I are heading up for NYC, and the day after, the adventure begins. Woot!

     In the meantime, here's a picture of my friend's little shih tzu that could quite make it on an entire walk with us. Fun, but he became a heavy lil bugger after a while.

Quick update #1

     The school in NY finally got around to sending out a sheet to sign up for the actual seminars in Russia. Yes, it seems like a little last-minute since we're leaving on Friday, but what can you do. Most of the classes available (that we've already signed up for on their school webpage) require two seminars, which are held in blocks of 2 hours, M/W/F. Naturally, the class that I'm signed up for that isn't Russian language only requires one seminar... and cultural excursions... and a research project to be done while we're over there. Sigh!

     So I'm really, really hoping that the excursions we do for this class are a) less involved, b) less frequent, and c) more apt to get us fed than the ones from the last time I was there. I'm not entirely sure what the research project entails, but I'm hoping that it's easy enough to work up and type out on a laptop. In Russia. We shall see.

     In other news, I'm having a fantastic time with Elf and Angel out here, although the scorching hot weather seems to have followed me out here, and it is 10 degrees hotter than they have predicted for the entire next week. If this happens in Russia, I'll consider selling myself out to areas threatened with severe winters... Anyhow, I'll check in again once I'm on the move and headed towards Russia. Enjoy!