Calm down

      When I was young, one of my life goals was to be a calm, wise, old-soul type person who didn't panic when things went haywire - just assessed the situation and dealt with it, unruffled. Since that was a tall order for someone who was excitable and prone to overreaction back then, I broke it down into smaller bits like "take a deep breath first, then react," "consider your options, then react," and "consider that the worst option probably isn't the most likely, then react." By never taking out the "then react" part, I avoided feeling like I was not being true to myself, and (with some amount of backsliding now and then, of course) just kept working on it.

     I don't know that I had a time frame for that goal per se, other than a vague sense of "before I'm old and retired and don't have energy to do things;" it was just a "someday" idea. To my surprise, I realized recently that I seem to have attained it without even noticing. Work has been a little rough this year, starting with changing positions and feeling like an utter newbie where I had been the go-to person on the team, to finding out one of my goals would be delayed for a few years due to a pre-req I'd overlooked, to finally getting into a very rarely offered training and then falling sick the week before (I masked up and went anyway, because it's that infrequent). Each time, though, I realized that the urge to get angry and rant and rave or seethe about the injustice of it all just... never arose. After literally decades of internal work, my reaction was more a sigh of acknowledging the situation wasn't what I wanted, and then looking at how I could make it work.

     It is weird changing your image of yourself. You know, that quick boxed summary of yourself that you give when meeting someone new that you'll probably be around a lot. I knew I had a temper when I was younger; I knew that if something pushed me over the edge, I'd run the gamut of loudly angry, quietly angry, then simmering resentment until something overrode it, so I'd include that in my self-intro. It wasn't until someone on my new team pointed out that they'd never seen or heard of me being angry (it's not a huge office, so gossip gets around) that I realized they were right; I wasn't that person anymore. And while it's cool to see how years of work has paid off, and I'm a generally happier person overall, it's weird knowing there's a different you that no longer exists. 

Taking stock

     Over the past couple years, I have officially tested my skills in both French and Russian, and got a good enough score to officially use them for work. Two years ago, I started Japanese, because it's a fascinating culture that's very different from the other two, and someday I'd like to go visit without being a rude tourist. I'm nowhere near as fluent in Japanese as in the other languages (33 years studying French and 12 studying Russian), but I can pick things up when I watch anime or read manga. Each language is pretty heavily compartmented in my head, though, so I don't think about the aggregate of my skills, I just think "Oh, I speak other languages, a common thing." (Ironically, the word language is one I constantly mistype and need to use autocorrect for.)

     Due to conflicting schedules, I ended up taking two separate Japanese classes for two weeks recently, thankfully in the same book, but on different chapters. Inevitably, that meant I dropped the ball on one of them, since I knew I'd re-do that chapter in the other class in a month or two. To my great surprise, I still managed to pull off a decent grade on the final exam, and I mentioned this to a friend who also speaks other languages. Their response, while supportively over-the-top, made me pause and reassess where I am. (The next part may sound like bragging, but it's truly me being surprised at how my life looks from the outside.)

     I speak, with varying degrees of skill, four languages. FOUR (I tend to forget English because everyone speaks it, right?). Four wildly different cultures, grammars, and lexicons. I recently met someone who speaks three languages fluently and I was blown away at the idea, yet never once turned that lens inward. Add to that the other hobbies I dabble in, and I see why someone recently said "Of course you know how to do that. Is there anything you don't do?" And while the answer is yes, quite a huge number of things, it's probably good to stop and give yourself credit for what you do do every now and then. 

Luck and Hard Work

      "Oh, they just got lucky, they didn't earn that."

      "That person put a lot of hard work in, they deserve it!"

Personal two cents, the truth is often somewhere in between. 

Weird times 2 - Thanks for nagging

      As noted in the previous post, we are going through the process of selling the company, and it's led to some weird situations. One such example is the grading permit for a site we recently built an expansion on. The building portion is open and operating, but the grading permit - particularly, the landscaping part of it - has not been finalized yet because, well, it's winter. It's very hard to prove to a county that yes, you did plant flowers in this spot when there's nothing there but bare dirt; they get a little suspicious and make you wait til things are blooming and demonstrably not dead. Unfortunately, our grading permit was set to expire in early April, and you have to submit a renewal request at least two weeks ahead of time. Part of my job as I-Dotter and T-Crosser is to put calendar reminders for my entire department when a permit is going to expire, so we have enough forewarning to decide if it needs renewal. 

     So two months ago before we knew about the potential company sale, I got the calendar reminder that the permit would expire. I don't actually go out to the construction sites, so I emailed my boss asking if we should renew. Silence. This is not terribly unusual, so I set a reminder for a week later. More silence. I set a reminder for three more days, silence; three more days, silence; you get the picture. By now, word of the sale had gotten around and I was very tempted to just kill the reminders and let whatever happens, happen... but that's not what my job is. So for three more weeks, I just copy/ pasted the "Do we need to renew this?" text into a new email and resent it to the boss every three days, figuring eventually, he'll get annoyed enough to give me a real answer. 

Weird times 1 - Open permits

      Our company is entertaining a purchase request - as in, selling the entire company to one of our competitors. Things have gotten a little odd as a result, because about 70% of the things that I and many of my coworkers do involve planning ahead for future projects or running reports on past numbers to anticipate how to change future numbers. With the understanding that we will likely not have to worry about that within the next month or two, it has left several people without much to do. Luckily for me, I suppose, my position as Paperwork and Executive Wrangler (not my official title) means that there is a whole tidal wave of other ducks that need wrangled in order for the sale to go through. One of my hats is I-Dotter and T-Crosser, and we have found literally decades of un-dotted and -crossed things that could heavily complicate the process. 

     One example that cropped up recently was that someone had applied for a sign permit at one of our sites back a few years ago but not closed it out. At first glance, this was not terribly out of the ordinary - our signage contractor has a habit of not finalizing permits, so we sent them a note to take care of it. After a bit, they replied that it was not them: they had called the county, who said it was a "cosmetic" permit, and gave the name of the person who'd applied. After some searching, we discovered it was a client who'd rented space from us at this location for all of one month, and whose internet presence revealed they are... a make-up artist. 

Old sketches for past coworkers

       The IT department at work has informed me that we are moving everything to a cloud-based solution. For unexamined reasons, I'm still curmudgeonly about that idea, so I took this opportunity to clean out personal stuff I have put on my work computer. Most of it is receipts, photos with work people, etc., but in the process, I ran across a folder titled "Sketches" that I'd completely forgotten about. It has photos of several ideas I'd sketched out at work on post-it notes for blog posts, but because they're about coworkers, I didn't feel right putting on the internet. Said coworkers have now moved on, and enough time has passed that I feel it's acceptable to put these online. 

     One of said coworkers was... enthusiastic. Thankfully not a morning person, so I didn't have to deal with any HELLO GOOD MORNING ISN'T LIFE GRAND nonsense right away, but once the day got underway, there was lots of energy to go around. Apparently, that wasn't just a work phenomenon - they came in one day and told me that their church had an Easter ceremony that weekend. The pastor was solemnly preaching at the lectern, and got to the point where they roll back the stone and find the tomb empty:

Sylvia Bishop Chapter 3 and work encounters of some kind

Chapter 3: Link

     It's been an odd week here. I had to physically go in to work twice, having only been in once in the past year. My boss, who has been a pandemic denier and not terribly aware of personal space in the past, was quite happy to keep his distance both times, even when I needed to show him how to change the toner on the printer. He has also started saying thank you and that he appreciates my work, which is completely out of character. Makes you ponder the question: if someone who you know to be difficult to work with really was replaced by a pod person, would you report it, or just be happy that their replacement is nicer? 

     Unfortunately, one of those visits to the office included a possible covid exposure. One of my coworkers has mutliple young children at home, so has been coming in to the office every day to get some peace and quiet to work in. They were not there when I went in, but they called me while I was there and asked me to deal with something on their desk. A few hours later, HR sent an email saying that "someone" who was usually in the office every day had tested positive, but don't worry, they stayed home today! Thankfully, I follow mask, no face touching, and handwashing recommendations to the letter, so hopefully nothing will come of it, but I am unappreciative of the general timeline there. 

Working from home:

      Had a conversation with my dad yesterday about the pandemic and staying at home. He claims to be an introvert, but he requires far more social interaction than I do. Our discussion about how the work-from-home situation due the pandemic is going prompted this:

Email differences

     There is a significant difference in tone on emails between assistance/ executive admins when others are copied vs when it's just the admins. The admin for a company I work with very closely is always very professional and polished when we are "officially" emailing versus when we are working something out between just the two of us. 

Sylvia Bishop sketch 2 & short story

      I should probably title these a bit differently, but it works for now....

"Mission critical" vs "linchpin"

     I did not realize how important my little "assistant admin/ executive assistant" job was until we all had to work from home. I do a lot of jobs, most of which boil down into organizing, communication, and research. Which are all things that anyone can do, right? 

     Apparently not. Gonna keep it vague, but there's a payment system in place that, to people not in my department (and apparently everyone but me in my department), looks like this:

1. Contractor sends in a bunch of files asking for payment. 
2. I save them, put the info into a spreadsheet for easier comparison, send to John (not real name).
3. John reviews it to be sure they're only getting paid for work done, sends to Accounting. 
4. Accounting enters it into the system, sends it to Greg (not real name - my and John's boss, head of our department) for approval. 
5. Greg approves it, Accounting cuts the check, Contractor gets paid, yay!

 Seems pretty simple, right? Here's a bit more detail:

Drafts - Work training

     As the year/ decade gets closer to the end, a lot of people are doing a 10 year look-back, mostly on Facebook and with pictures, comparing where they are now to where they were in 2010. While I'm not particularly interested in how I've physically changed, I decided to look back through old drafts that I started but never posted. Here's one from when I started my current job, in 2014 (updated to current time).

     Let me preface this with the insight that I had a LOT of jobs when I was teens/20s. I worked various roles at a couple Renaissance Faires, did temping/ office work in a wide variety of fields and locations, drove a range of trucks from pickups to 18 wheelers, food service, IT, customer service... basically I wasn't 100% sure what I wanted to do, so I just tried everything. Most of those jobs were entry level/ low skill, so training was on-the-job if at all. Every single job, barring trucking, went like this at the beginning:

Workplace noise

     Long ago, I heard the phrase "high-scan vs low-scan" for people who cannot ignore noise vs people who can. I haven't been able to find evidence of that as a thing since then, but it stuck in my head, because I am high-scan: small noises that other people tend to overlook are difficult for me to ignore when I'm trying to focus or relax. A month or two ago, a squeaking noise start up in the ceiling at work, and of course, no one else paid attention to it until I pointed it out (although to be fair, all of my coworkers either have or have had small children, so I guess ignoring noise is a skill you pick up at that stage in life). Naturally, it was situated directly over my desk, so no one else thought it was loud enough to do anything about until I complained.... a lot... This is the result:

Baking again

     I don't tend to bake much over the holidays, since everyone else is baking, there is no shortage of sweets, and it's generally a chaotic time of the year anyway. The past couple years, I've found it's much easier to wait until February or so, and do baking then - people are usually in the winter blahs and quite thrilled to get some sweetness and excitement of new things to try. This year was no exception, and I got to try some interesting new recipes.

Carrot Cake Breakfast Cookies (Vegan)

Mash together:

   2 ripe bananas

   1/2 cup shredded carrots

   1/2 cup applesauce

   2 tsp vanilla

Add:

   2 cups oats (I prefer old-fashioned, you could probably use instant)

   1/2 cup dried pineapple, torn to smallish bits

   1/2 cup raisins

   1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

   1/2 tsp salt

It will make a very wet, non-cookie-dough-like mass in the bowl. I doubt myself every time I make it, but trust that it will work out. Drop onto a greased pan, bake for 12-15 minutes at 350° until solid but not dry. Let cool, store in the fridge. 

Chocolate Cherry Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cream:

   1 cup butter (real butter, no skimping and using lard or margarine)

   5/8 cup or scant 3/4 cup sugar

   5/8 cup or scant 3/4 cup brown sugar

   4 eggs

   1/2 cup cocoa powder (dark is best, milk will do)

Add:

   3 1/2 cups flour (start with 3, then add as needed to get sticky dough)

   1 tsp salt

   2 tsp baking powder

   1/4 tsp espresso powder

Stir in:

   1 cup chocolate chips

   generous 1/2 cup dried cherries

Dough should be sticky, not easily rolled into balls. Drop onto pan, bake 10-12 minutes at 350° until firm but not dry.    

I did not get any photos, and they were all gone by the time I thought to do so. I will definitely be making both again, however, so I will come back and update if I remember next time. 

Halloween and making patterns

     Several years ago, I bought a green work skirt that I adore. It's got a half-elastic waist, so it looks smooth and dignified in front, but is gathered in the back and comfortable to wear at a desk job in ways that (in my opinion) zippered dresses aren't. It's made of fairly thin cotton gauze over an underskirt, however, which means it's slowly gotten more worn, the seams are loosening, and one edge is starting to fray. Not so horrible that it doesn't look nice in an office, but all it would take is one good snag, or getting caught on something in the washing machine, and it'd be dead.

     On a seemingly unrelated note, I'm dressing up as Anna from Frozen this year, and as I was looking through my small stash of fabric, I found four yards of a perfect dark blue for her winter skirt, in a light, flowy fabric. Since I do not currently have time, skill, or supplies to replicate the embroidery/ patterns on the original skirt, I figured I could take artistic license with the pattern, kill two birds with one stone, and recreate the green skirt so I can use it again after Halloween (I have slight issues with one-time-use things, especially when I'm handcrafting things).

Signs of stress

     This past week was a bit stressful, with several major deadlines coming due at once. One of my coworkers doesn't handle that sort of stress well, and would ask me - quite literally - every fifteen minutes if I'd had updates on any of them. While I'm fairly stable under stress, that was a little much for me; rather than bring in my nerf guns and teach him the folly of his ways, I simply decorated a desk plant I have and placed it where he'd see it when he wheeled his chair back to ask me questions:

Fewer words

     As I try to be a calmer, more patient and forgiving person, I find that I have less that I'm willing to say, and less to talk about on the blog. Not that I don't still have opinions, I just don't feel they need to be shared as much. So rather than a wordy post, here are two photos taken at one of our construction sites at work that I felt were quietly pretty. There's a lot of clamour for people's attention lately; I appreciate the quiet moments more.

Financially comfortable

     One of my goals when I was young was to be "financially comfortable." I knew being filthy rich was probably out of my league, but I was happy with the idea of having enough money so that, when emergencies arise, they don't completely derail finances.Maybe not an exciting goal, but hopefully a realistic one.

     Recently, I took my car in for scheduled service, and they told me all four of my tires had low tread, and would need replaced before winter. I had noticed some slipping on rainy days, or when trying to take off too fast, so I believed them. I shopped around a bit, and found a deal on some decent tires - not super high end, but not settling, either - for about $450, and just... got them. Made an appointment, got them done, paid it off as soon as the charges hit my card. Yeah, it wasn't a big emergency, but I remember many times in life when that would have put a serious crimp in things. It was a pretty good feeling to know I'd hit a goal. Maybe it's time to raise the bar on that one.

#Metoo

     When the #Metoo hashtag started trending, I didn't copy it at first, for a couple reasons. Unfortunately, in bringing awareness to the problem, it's also brought my awareness back to my own experiences, which I thought I'd dealt with and put away. Perhaps those feelings of shame and anger and self-loathing - both immediately after it happened and years later, asking myself why I didn't stand up for myself at the time - will never really go away, I'll just be able to forget them from time to time.

     Anyway, one of the problems with talking about it, as someone who's experienced it, is the fear of reaction. I'm sure it's incomplete, but here are some possible responses:

• Disbelief: will they even believe me? 
• Dismissal: "That was just one instance." As if that makes it okay.
• Justification/ victim-blaming: "I'm sure there's more to it than you're saying - were you drunk, or wearing a short skirt? Were you flirting with him?"
• Avoidance: "Well, not all men do it, there are good men out there, too!" Agreed. But I had to deal with one of the bad ones, and nothing is being done to stop them.
• Pity: Being relegated to being "A Victim," and watching a friend/coworker/boss/whatever treat you differently because you're not a friend/coworker/employee - you're A Victim.

     The biggest thing that keeps me from saying anything, even today when the topic came up at work, is that I don't want the above reactions, but I'm honestly not sure what a positive reaction would be. A friend on facebook posted that his feed was flooded with the hashtag, and he didn't realize it was so pervasive; he didn't know what to say, so he put #ibelieveyou. Just reading that - words on a screen, that someone realized it's an issue and needs worked on - brought me to tears. Because someone believed. Because someone cared. Because things might actually change and fewer people will have to deal with it in the future. 

     Now imagine if someone said that in person, at work, and a coworker started crying. You'd look at them differently, wouldn't you? And that's with a positive response. See why we don't say anything?

Painting

     So they've been painting the new kitchen for the past few days, and apparently they're using a special kind of applicator for a special flecked paint, which is REALLY LOUD. Again, my brain went other places... (it really did sound like something roaring).