Calm down

      When I was young, one of my life goals was to be a calm, wise, old-soul type person who didn't panic when things went haywire - just assessed the situation and dealt with it, unruffled. Since that was a tall order for someone who was excitable and prone to overreaction back then, I broke it down into smaller bits like "take a deep breath first, then react," "consider your options, then react," and "consider that the worst option probably isn't the most likely, then react." By never taking out the "then react" part, I avoided feeling like I was not being true to myself, and (with some amount of backsliding now and then, of course) just kept working on it.

     I don't know that I had a time frame for that goal per se, other than a vague sense of "before I'm old and retired and don't have energy to do things;" it was just a "someday" idea. To my surprise, I realized recently that I seem to have attained it without even noticing. Work has been a little rough this year, starting with changing positions and feeling like an utter newbie where I had been the go-to person on the team, to finding out one of my goals would be delayed for a few years due to a pre-req I'd overlooked, to finally getting into a very rarely offered training and then falling sick the week before (I masked up and went anyway, because it's that infrequent). Each time, though, I realized that the urge to get angry and rant and rave or seethe about the injustice of it all just... never arose. After literally decades of internal work, my reaction was more a sigh of acknowledging the situation wasn't what I wanted, and then looking at how I could make it work.

     It is weird changing your image of yourself. You know, that quick boxed summary of yourself that you give when meeting someone new that you'll probably be around a lot. I knew I had a temper when I was younger; I knew that if something pushed me over the edge, I'd run the gamut of loudly angry, quietly angry, then simmering resentment until something overrode it, so I'd include that in my self-intro. It wasn't until someone on my new team pointed out that they'd never seen or heard of me being angry (it's not a huge office, so gossip gets around) that I realized they were right; I wasn't that person anymore. And while it's cool to see how years of work has paid off, and I'm a generally happier person overall, it's weird knowing there's a different you that no longer exists. 

A shift in ones point of view

     I recently interviewed for, and was accepted to, a new job,

Although

     I won't be starting until the new year (giving two weeks' notice),

This means that

     I know I will have solid income again soon,

Therefore

     I don't have to stress about money,

So

     I am able to appreciate what I do have right now,

As a result

     I can deal with the troubles I have to put up with for two more weeks.


     Funny how one little thing can change so much. Being stuck in a loop wears you down so slowly that you don't even realize it. Knowing that the loop is about to end, even if it hasn't happened yet, makes everything so much better. So here's to aiming for new things: it make take a while, but it'll be worth it in the end. 

Job search, part 3 - Interviews

     I suspect that I am not alone when saying that interviews are stressful. You have a limited amount of time, sitting in a room with strangers, to explain how you work and how you can directly benefit them while trying not to sound like a braggart or a liar. While there is some prep work that you can (and definitely should) do, such as researching the company website and re-reading the job posting before you go so you know what, specifically, they're looking for, it's still being put on the spot.

     For the longest time, I approached interviews as one would an interrogation: prepared to answer any question, and slightly suspicious of ulterior motives help by those in charge. It wasn't until I moved out to Colorado and went to an interview while tired and jet-lagged that I realized I was doing myself a disservice by approaching it thusly. In that interview, I just acted like myself, said what crossed my mind, and actually took one of the interviewers to task for asking insulting questions in a snide tone of voice. I was later informed that he did that to everyone, and only people who stood up to him and didn't take his crap were hired. I don't think that's a particularly great way to conduct an interview, but it helped me realize I needed to change my view.

FTP 53 - Connections

     A couple years ago, I was randomly browsing the internet and came across this picture:

It really made me smile, and I kept it around, pulling it out every now and then when I really needed a smile. I think it's the concept that, no matter who you are, you can make someone's day by taking a moment and letting them learn, explore, try something new, or expand their horizons. And even if it's something that you deal with every day, and it has become blasé to you, you can still be happy, watching them delight in whatever it is.

     Things like this are what keep us all human, and let us connect to each other. The two people in the picture are pretty radically different, but they shared this moment, and it continues to touch others. Keep that in mind the next time someone is eyeing you, or you see someone with whom you think you couldn't possibly have anything in common- you may just be surprised. 

FTP 50 - One week to go

     In seven days, I will be on the road, with all of my worldly goods in a trailer behind me. The good news is that this week has been a substantial improvement over last week: I finished my Russian paper early, got the trailer situation sorted (mostly), have almost everything packed and sold, and have finally gotten confirmation that yes, we will have an apartment come the 10th.

     Does that stop me from occasionally wanting to run and hide in a corner, overwhelmed at all the changes going on in my life? Heck no. I'm pretty sure that if I live to 100, there will still be a part of me that wants to do that when faced with the unknown. However, I refuse to let that part be the one in charge. So, here's hoping things all work out! I've made all the preparations I can, time to jump and see where I land. Cheers!

FTP 47 - Criticizing yourself

     This one took me a while to figure out, but once I did, the change was amazing. Go on, give it a try.

FTP 46 - Negative news

     A friend texted me this week feeling very upset and angry at the world. After some conversation, it turned out that she'd been reading the news, and found an extremely disturbing new article on a topic she was very passionate about. I've occasionally noticed that I, too, get caught up in the media when issues close to my heart are at stake, and will click around multiple news websites to get every bit of information I can on what's going on. Unfortunately, all this really does is keep exposing us to the things that upset us, and we enter a nasty little downward spiral of finding things to feed that indignant feeling.

     Being a good friend, however, I did for her what I try to do for myself when this happens: google "good news," or "feel good news," and read and watch videos until you get a smile back on your face. (Some of my favorite sites are linked at the bottom, if you have a hankering for something to make your day brighter). Before you go saying that it's just a method of burying your head in the sand and ignoring the horrible things going on, however, I'd like to point out that horrible things are going on every second, every day... but so are good things. Why should we focus only on the negative?

     Another argument in favor of watching happy news is simply logic. I figured out a while ago that there are only so many things I can deal with in a day. If I burden myself with things that I truly, honestly have absolutely no way to influence, then all it's doing is making me feel bad. But if I focus on a few things that I can affect positively, and then fill the rest of my time with things that positively affect me, then a) I feel better, b) I have better energy to put into the things I can do something about, and c) people around me pick up on the fact that hey, life isn't all that bad. And then they in turn can perk up and pass that on to others. Not a bad way to live, really.

Good sites:
Feel Good News
Huffington Post's collection of positive stories.
Pictures, videos, and news articles from around the world.
The aptly named Optimist World.
And of course, no list is complete without Lolcats.

Enjoy!

Spring Break

     Spring break started, for me, this past Thursday. Given the usual irregularity of plane tickets, it turned out that leaving early would save me a couple hundred dollars in airfare, so I sacrificed a day or two of work in order to get the lower prices. The flight was bumpy as all get out, but at least it didn't snow, rain, hail, sleet, freeze, or otherwise get delayed. Sometimes, that's all you can ask for.

     The past few weeks have been pretty stressful with graduation looming over me. I try to be one of those people who plan ahead and are prepared for anything, so having an abrupt end to the entire way of life I'm used to is a bit unnerving. This weekend helped that no small bit, just by my gentleman and I being able to find an affordable place to live. It's not our dream place, of course, but since I don't have a job lined up yet (and therefor don't know where I'll have to commute to or what my income/ budget will be), we opted to err on the safe side. Still, it's a nice, open place that is roughly the square footage we were looking for, and in a gorgeous neighborhood with lots of walking/ biking paths, so no complaints!

FTP 44 - Feedback

Something I still struggle with:

Amazing how no matter how awesome the day was, all it takes is one little negative comment to drag you down. I've gotten to the point where I don't focus on it and obsess over it, but it still just sits in the back of my head and bugs me. 

P.S. Keep this in mind the next time you're tempted to take out a bad mood on someone who doesn't deserve it... you might be that one bad comment that ruins someone's day. Just a thought.

FTP 39 - Road rage

     On my way to my internship this week (clear on the other side of Denver), I suddenly noticed that the car that had been following me a comfortable distance back had mysteriously been replaced my the grill of an SUV that was probably centimeters from my back bumper. Traffic was pretty decent, and we were all doing about 5 mph over the speed limit (because who puts a 55 mph limit on an open, 3-lane highway?), so I wasn't really sure why I was being gestured and shouted at as if I were a snail on the Autobahn.

     Since there was a car about 5 feet ahead of me in the middle lane, I didn't really want to slide over to get out of crazy lady's way, just to have to slam on the breaks when I got there. Instead, I figured I'd keep going til there was a clearing, and then get out of her way. Mind you, I have a bit of a wide following distance, but I was keeping pace with the car in front of me, so it's not like I was holding things up.

Winter break

     Huzzah! Finals are done, grades are coming in (all As so far), and I'm about to set off on winter break with family and friends on the east coast. In light of the next few weeks being a vacation, I've decided to put updates on hold until I get back, so that I can focus on relaxing and relationships instead of making sure updates get posted in time. So here's a quick post for the holidays, and I'll see you all when I get back, on January 14th!

     One of the things I've been working on this semester is self-acceptance. I have never been one to follow the crowd, but lately I've been doubting whether what I'm doing is the "right" thing to do. I'm in my thirties, in college, broke as heck, and facing the absolute unknown of graduation and entry into an extremely sluggish job market and economy. If you'd asked me 10 years ago- heck, even 5 years ago- where I'd be at this time in life, this would not be it.

Being a Woman, part 2

     Despite many of the horrible things that women have to worry about (as outlined in the previous Monday's post), there are still a decent number of perks to being female as well. Naturally, not all of these are applicable at all times, but nonetheless, here are some of the good things that women get to enjoy:

     1) Having a chest. Far better outlined by Rampaige at BustyGirlComics, having a chest comes in pretty handy from time to time. Hugs are awesome, shoulders to cry on are wonderfully comforting, cops are occasionally more lenient (although this works much better if you are honest, forthright, and treat them with the respect they deserve as working professionals), you get doors held open for you- and therefor it's easier to find gentlemen with manners, and you occasionally get a little extra consideration in difficult situations. There are downfalls, to be sure, but I think it works out well in the end.

I'm sure my father (with three daughters) can relate...

     2) You get to dress up. No, I'm not even talking about the little black dress for evening parties. Even just putting on a costume or an outfit from a different era, women generally get more choices of things to wear, allowing you to be stern, frilly, silly, or respectable in any time period. We just need to nix the "sexy everything" costume habit that's arisen lately... I think it goes overboard, but then I"d rather put on a hoopskirt, corset, and full noble's gown than fishnets and a "sexy prisoner" outfit, so take it as you will.

FTP 26 - Darkest before dawn

     Yes, it's always darkest before the dawn. Yes, it usually gets worse before it gets better. But who's to say that the point you're at isn't the darkest or the worst, and things are about to turn around?

     What's even better is that often, you can be the rooster that makes the sun rise, all you have to do is believe, have faith in yourself, and crow. 

FTP 25 - Importance of attitude

     Despite the past couple weeks of general brooding, I finally had a couple revelations about why my mood has been so down. While I'm working on what to do about them, however, it's definitely time to get back to a system that I've been using for a while now in order to get my attitude out of the dumpster. While I'm not condoning ignoring emotions or putting a false front on things (sometimes a good wallow in self-pity is healthy, as long as it doesn't last too long!), I do my best to look for positive things to say, even if I don't feel happy at the time.

No really... I mean it...

     Even if you don't feel it right then, you will start a habit of looking for the good things in life, and you'd be amazed how many positives there are out there once you start looking. So, here's to tomorrow being a better day- enjoy the hope now, even if it never comes to pass. Cheers!

Unexpected backstory

    As I've mentioned before, I have a habit of befriending generations before me, primarily (I believe) because I was raised to be polite. I take time to listen to people, and let them know that I really do appreciate hearing their stories, because you never know what you're going to learn. To be sure, sometimes you learn that you don't really want to continue that acquaintance, but there are some pretty powerful stories hidden in very unlikely places.

     Recently, as I was going downstairs to switch my laundry over, I ran into a gentleman with whom I'd exchanged pleasantries a number of times; typically I'd be on my way to work or school and he'd be leaning on the railing by his door. He seemed a nice enough person, always smiling or finding something positive to say, and I'd figured he was retired and in a similar financial situation to me- I can't imagine that anyone would live in this complex who could afford better. Today, however, I saw him sitting on the bench in the center of the building, and he mentioned he hadn't seen me in a while, so I wandered over to chat with him.

Upbeat

     I part-time work at a small tax office in Colorado, and while we do get our share of grumpy, annoyed clients, there are also a number of them that accept that what we do is a necessary evil, and decide not to take it out on us (which is very, very appreciated!). Every now and then, though, someone will come in with such a unique attitude that they really merit comment.

     Recently, a woman came in to pick up her personal and business taxes. Our office is laid out a bit awkwardly: customers have to come all the way to the front desk in order to see if I or my co-worker (who is really the front-line of the company, not me!) are at our desks and able to help them. Today, we heard the bell on the door ring, but before either my co-worker (whom we'll call Mary for the sake of this story) or I could look around the partition, the customer had already come over and was smiling at us. She told Mary why she was there, and they started chatting as Mary got her paperwork together. When they got to the point where we recommend the client checks their routing number for direct deposit of a refund, she mentioned she was going through a divorce, and asked if she should do that, or wait for a paper check.

FTP 23 - Results vs effort

     This is something I have to make myself remember a lot. Really, it does get better. Keep going...

Progress, perhaps

     Throughout the ages, it seems, people have always railed against the laziness and linguistic corruption of their younger generations, and deplored the horrible misspellings, grammatical errors, and sloppy depths that language had newly fallen to. George Orwell lamented in a 1946 article that the English language in his time had become slovenly and vague. In 1848, a renowned German linguist bemoaned the corruption of English, the "most ground-down" of all Germanic languages, and which was liable to sink into mono-syllabicy within the near future. Going back further, prescriptive linguists, politicians, educators, and philosophers have been off and on lamenting the degradation of English ever since it was officially declared a separate language from Middle English, sometime in the 15th century. If you're really curious, there's a good list here, and several other can be found by searching "decline of English throughout history," but there are far too many to name. Needless to say, it's not a new phenomenon.

     There are, of course, two schools of thought on this. On the one hand, yes, English language needs grammar and spelling rules... mostly to allow "educated" people to feel proud of their education and "proper" usage of the language. On the other hand, descriptive linguists argue- persuasively- that language is a living, evolving thing. All languages, they note, change over time, as new words are needed through technological advances, and old words fall out of common usage. English, with its penchant for borrowing from any other convenient language, tends to change faster than most, but it's certainly not alone.

FTP 22 - Age, comparatively

     Man, look at that kid over there. He looks so young, maybe just left home, maybe just joined the workforce. And he's complaining about being old?? No way. If only he knew what you've been through, what you have to deal with every day at your age. Makes you feel kinda... decrepit. Maybe you should just accept that you're old, start acting your age...

     Huh, look at that old guy, sitting over there. Bet he just heard you say you feel old. That look on his face though... that looks just like how you felt when you were looking at that kid. Like he's not really looking at you, he's looking at himself when he was your age, thinking about everything he's gone through since then. Betcha to him, you look like some young punk who doesn't appreciate what you've got...

     Well, do you?

     For every person younger than you who's saying they feel old, there's someone older than you who sees you as young and full of life. Go prove 'em right. 

FTP 21 - Posture and attitude

     This week has not been among the best in my life, to be honest. My schedule has been all over the place, I've had twice as long as normal days, and I am so ready for the long weekend. As tired as I've been, though, and as much as I'd love to just tell the world to go fly a kite, one of the things that's kept me going is such a small thing as posture.

     I know, I know, you're tired of people telling you to sit up straight, blah blah blah. Before you blow it off though, consider this. In previous posts and drawings, my faceless, expressionless character has been able to say a lot just by how she stands:

If a simple drawing can express that much just by posture, imagine how much it affects you and your 3D, mentally complex outlook on life. The next time you're feeling grumpy, tired, sad, or depressed, consider how you're sitting or standing, I'm willing to bet it'll resemble the top pictures. Take a deep breath, work the kinks out of your shoulders and neck, and take a look at something above eye level. It's amazing what one little change can make in your day, go ahead and give it a try. Cheers!