Job search, part 2.

     Last week, we talked about the frustration of finding jobs to apply for, given financial considerations and employer expectations. Regardless of what you are looking for, however- with the possible exception of an "I'm a millionaire and just need something to pass the time" situation- I think that having to look for a job at all is a rather depressing situation. Because let's face it, what you're trying to do is sell yourself and your past to someone who has a whole slew of people clamoring to do the same. And while you know that you're awesome, intelligent, and a much better choice for that position (you hope) than anyone else, they don't. For those of us who aren't natural-born salesmen, that's a problem.

     Despite my ability to describe other things fairly well (and the fact that I write a blog about myself on a regular basis...), I abhor the whole "talk yourself up" thing. Part of this is that I hold myself to some pretty high standards, but since I've done it for so long, what is "normal" to me (and therefor not worth mention) is worth mentioning to others. I've gotten compliments at various workplaces before about "Wow, you got that done well before it was expected!" or "Why did you admit to making a mistake? No one wanted to deal with the cleanup there?" and stuff like that. The thing is, those are just standard for me: doing things ahead of schedule- or on time at the latest- and owning up to your mistakes (so you can learn from them and help the people who were affected by them) are standards, baselines, ordinary things that are done everyday just because they're the right thing to do. But how do you get that across?

Job search, part 1

Recent checklist: 

     -Graduation? Done

     -Move? Done

     -Help out a friend (which I'd been promising for years)? Done

     -Settled into the new place? Done

     -Job? ....... well........

     There's something horribly depression about looking for a job, and it's not just that the current economy is pretty nasty. It seems like, no matter how many times you have to do it, and regardless of what new level of education/ experience/ skill set you have, job hunting is mentally and emotionally wearing. When I was younger, I figured that it was just due to lack of skills and experience, and it would get easier as I got older. Then before I went to college, I figured it was a lack of that pretty little paper saying you're horribly in debt (no, I'm not cynical at all), because the most random jobs were looking for it. Want to be an insurance agent? Need a diploma. Want to be a delivery person? Need a diploma. Want to wash elephant feet after parades? Need a diploma. Really? Wow.

Late, again

     Sorry guys, today's post is going to go up on Tuesday. Been reworking the schedule, and missed the deadline. Since, however, I have been dealing with the job-hunt depression, it will be a real one, not a "wah, woe is me, I have no job" whine. In the meantime, here's my excuse. See you tomorrow!

FTP 48 - Worn down

     Ran across this the other day on the internet, and it's sad how true it is, and how often it happens, not just on the internet.

Credit, I think.

Don't let the naysayers and jerks get you down. If you have an idea, do what you can to make it work. If you give it your best, and it doesn't quite fly, well, at least you tried. It's better than becoming another naysayer and shutting down someone else's creativity, and the more you work to make things happen, the more likely it is that at least one of them will!

FTP 46 - Negative news

     A friend texted me this week feeling very upset and angry at the world. After some conversation, it turned out that she'd been reading the news, and found an extremely disturbing new article on a topic she was very passionate about. I've occasionally noticed that I, too, get caught up in the media when issues close to my heart are at stake, and will click around multiple news websites to get every bit of information I can on what's going on. Unfortunately, all this really does is keep exposing us to the things that upset us, and we enter a nasty little downward spiral of finding things to feed that indignant feeling.

     Being a good friend, however, I did for her what I try to do for myself when this happens: google "good news," or "feel good news," and read and watch videos until you get a smile back on your face. (Some of my favorite sites are linked at the bottom, if you have a hankering for something to make your day brighter). Before you go saying that it's just a method of burying your head in the sand and ignoring the horrible things going on, however, I'd like to point out that horrible things are going on every second, every day... but so are good things. Why should we focus only on the negative?

     Another argument in favor of watching happy news is simply logic. I figured out a while ago that there are only so many things I can deal with in a day. If I burden myself with things that I truly, honestly have absolutely no way to influence, then all it's doing is making me feel bad. But if I focus on a few things that I can affect positively, and then fill the rest of my time with things that positively affect me, then a) I feel better, b) I have better energy to put into the things I can do something about, and c) people around me pick up on the fact that hey, life isn't all that bad. And then they in turn can perk up and pass that on to others. Not a bad way to live, really.

Good sites:
Feel Good News
Huffington Post's collection of positive stories.
Pictures, videos, and news articles from around the world.
The aptly named Optimist World.
And of course, no list is complete without Lolcats.

Enjoy!

FTP 44 - Feedback

Something I still struggle with:

Amazing how no matter how awesome the day was, all it takes is one little negative comment to drag you down. I've gotten to the point where I don't focus on it and obsess over it, but it still just sits in the back of my head and bugs me. 

P.S. Keep this in mind the next time you're tempted to take out a bad mood on someone who doesn't deserve it... you might be that one bad comment that ruins someone's day. Just a thought.

FTP 27 - Pity party

     Every now and then, when things seem to just pile up and you can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's okay to sit down and feel sorry for yourself. Really. Even highly accomplished people do it...

     ...just don't forget to pick yourself up and keep going once you're done.

FTP 26 - Darkest before dawn

     Yes, it's always darkest before the dawn. Yes, it usually gets worse before it gets better. But who's to say that the point you're at isn't the darkest or the worst, and things are about to turn around?

     What's even better is that often, you can be the rooster that makes the sun rise, all you have to do is believe, have faith in yourself, and crow. 

FTP 25 - Importance of attitude

     Despite the past couple weeks of general brooding, I finally had a couple revelations about why my mood has been so down. While I'm working on what to do about them, however, it's definitely time to get back to a system that I've been using for a while now in order to get my attitude out of the dumpster. While I'm not condoning ignoring emotions or putting a false front on things (sometimes a good wallow in self-pity is healthy, as long as it doesn't last too long!), I do my best to look for positive things to say, even if I don't feel happy at the time.

No really... I mean it...

     Even if you don't feel it right then, you will start a habit of looking for the good things in life, and you'd be amazed how many positives there are out there once you start looking. So, here's to tomorrow being a better day- enjoy the hope now, even if it never comes to pass. Cheers!

Apologies

     It was brought to my attention that the casual mention on Wednesday of when I was raped was not something many of you were prepared for, and I apologize for that. I have been working and focussing on it for a number of months now, and have finally accepted it, so I didn't realize I hadn't let people in on what was going on. I tend to be fairly close-mouthed when it comes to personal stuff- it was not intended to make anyone feel left out.

     The short version is that I was raped, six years ago, by someone I'd known for a long time as a friend. He told me not to tell anyone and that it was my fault for "being too sexy," and like an idiot, I believed him. I guess the guilt got to him, because he then went and told his wife (and girlfriend... he was not what I'd call a moral person), and they believed it was my fault, and came after me. After much mental and emotional abuse, I finally cut all contact with him, and tried to forget it happened. I didn't tell anyone because, well, it was my fault, right? I know it's not now, but what can I say.

    I hid most of myself from everyone for years afterwards, and the few relationships I attempted went horribly, because I'd internalized his lies that all I was good for was sex. It wasn't until last year, when my sister Suzanne died that it all came back to me, and I started trying to accept it. I was still pretty bitter and closed-in, though, until a chance remark to a friend in WoW opened the door, and he hit me with some hard truths I needed to hear about not letting it hold me back. Maybe I felt it was safe to talk to him because he was only a friend on WoW, and if he considered me a whore and a victim, I could just stop talking to him- I wouldn't potentially lose a close friend or family member.

In a funk

Periodically in my life, this happens:

Without fail, this follows:

Attitude, part 1

     Despite the fact that many people have said that they look to me for inspiration on being upbeat, open, and positive in life, if you look back at my past, you'll discover that it's actually relatively recent that this attitude has come to pass. When I graduated high school and joined the work force, I was depressed and angry about life (as are most teenagers), and when I moved out to Colorado six years ago, I was highly mistrustful, hurt, and still pretty angry at the world.

Yeah no, I was just antisocial.

     My first couple roommates out here didn't really give me any motivation to change my attitude, and I remained withdrawn and quiet. When I started my first job out here, as an IT support person, I found myself around other nerds, so the pressure to be social wasn't so bad. I found out I had things in common with some of them, and was, at the least, cordial with co-workers within my own department. A couple months after I'd been working there, they hired another strange, nerdy-type person named Sarah as a technical writer, and she and I struck up a friendship. We would go on walks during lunch and actually (gasp!) talk about our personal lives, rather than just work or public topics.

One of those days

     Did you ever have one of those days that just seemed to utterly lack energy? It's not that you don't get things done, or that you're not interested in life, but just... it's too much work. Today was one of those, and coming on the heels of a rough week, I didn't really get much of anything done. Rather than fall into a funk about it though, I decided it was time to go find my energy, no matter where it went.

     First step on recovering energy: music. No matter what your favorite kind of music is, listening to something with a decently paced beat and with a positive message will always improve your mood. If it's got the right type of rhythm to dance to, so much the better. Boogie while you vacuum, headbang while folding laundry, or jive while dusting- whatever you end up doing will not only get you moving (a proven method to being in a better mood), but will also accomplish one of those annoying chores that looked boring. Now it's out of the way, and life is looking better.

Filler #1!

     As many of you know, I am on vacation from November 19th to the 27th, visiting family and friends I've not seen in about six years. Rather than just let you guys suffer from a lack of stories, however, I've dug up some older sketches that never quite made it on here, for one reason or another.

     This one was supposed to be a complaint about a particularly heinous day I had. When I woke up, it was literally freezing outside and my heater had decided not to work. When I got home, naturally, it was

Thought patterns and optimism.

     They (the infamous they) say that humans are linear thinkers. And for the most part, I agree. We do tend to start with a specific thought and follow it through to the end. Of course, there is always the possibility of a couple tangents in the middle, but for the most part, thoughts and communication follow a single line.

     However, you also get those days when it seems like there is so much stuff crammed into your head, that it's impossible to find a single starting point. Everything is so interconnected that, it seems, if you open your mouth, it will get stuck, like a crowd of people trying to jam through a single door. Everything tries to get out at once, so nothing gets anywhere. What's even worse is that this chaotic tangle is usually backed by some pretty strong emotions, be they happiness, depression, anger or what have you, and this just adds to the pressure and inability to get anything out.

 

Well drat (and pickup line 4-ish)

     As usual, I have done things absolutely backwards and managed to produce absolutely nothing for several hours' worth of work. Starting last week, I brainstormed on what to rename this blog, since I'd like it to be slightly easier to remember and access. I came up with an idea I liked, I sketched a few rough drafts of the tittle page, conferred with a (real artist) friend of mine, took an idea of hers and ran with it. I spent three hours tonight playing with settings on my primitive tools that I use to get my drawings online, frustrated at how poorly they were working, but I finally made it work.

     Celebrating my triumph over minimalism and technology, I went to do the last step- that of changing the web address of said blog- only to find that every, single, possible, logical, remotely intelligent, legible, coherent iteration of the name I was thinking about... had already been taken. And most of the blogs that had claimed it have been either defunct for literally a decade, or else are empty profiles with no content. Sigh.

How to make a stubborn person give up.

Yes, it's a long title. I have faith that you can deal with it. Moving on...

     One of my less annoying habits is that I'm pretty stubborn. I try to stay with things no matter what, sometimes even when it's neither logical nor wise to do so. However, there is one sure-fire way to make me give up on anything, and this past week has gotten me pretty close to just crawling back into bed and hibernating til Thursday. Why Thursday? Thursday is dance class, for one, which always puts me in a better mood, and, more importantly, Thursday is when I go back to the dentist to get a permanent crown put on and my last cavity filled. Remember this, it is important.

     Now, back to the giving up bit. A lot of people, if asked, would probably say the best way to make someone give up is to constantly harass and harangue them, make sure that everything goes wrong, and they can achieve nothing, right? Well, they'd be wrong. The only thing that will do for stubborn people (and admit it, if you're not a stubborn person, you at least know one, so this can be applied in everyone's life), is make them angry. The more you thwart a stubborner, the more determined they will be to find you and prove that they can overcome anything. Think about it: who triumphs in the end? The stubborn ones who don't back

Confidence

     As I was sitting down today for my usual battle of wits against various homeworks and suchlike, I reflected briefly on my confidence in myself. Overall, I'd say I'm a fairly self-assured person, hopefully without tipping the scales too far and becoming an egotistical jerk. Most of my teachers assure me that I am making progress, and am a pretty good student. Moreover, I have a pretty high GPA (not that that's always an entirely accurate judge of progress, but it does help now and then), and do decently on tests, quizzes and papers presented to me. Thus I can safely say that, on a graph of confidence in my skills over time, most outsiders' opinion of me would be as below: