Training story - sketch

      A while back, I had the opportunity to go to a very nice training that included a section on relevant case law. The teacher was amazing - super high energy, but not exhausting to introverts in the way that many high energy people can be - and actually got us excited about learning statutes and reading court decisions. At one point, they wanted to illustrate a couple cases that talked about communications privacy law, and asked for a volunteer to draw on the whiteboard at the front of class. Exactly zero people put their hands up, so, knowing I can at least draw a mean stick figure, I offered to give it a go. 

     The teacher asked for a simple house where you could see someone on the phone through a window, and then an old-fashioned phone booth down the street, and finally someone listening in on the call in the bushes nearby. Here's a reproduction of what I drew:

Calm down

      When I was young, one of my life goals was to be a calm, wise, old-soul type person who didn't panic when things went haywire - just assessed the situation and dealt with it, unruffled. Since that was a tall order for someone who was excitable and prone to overreaction back then, I broke it down into smaller bits like "take a deep breath first, then react," "consider your options, then react," and "consider that the worst option probably isn't the most likely, then react." By never taking out the "then react" part, I avoided feeling like I was not being true to myself, and (with some amount of backsliding now and then, of course) just kept working on it.

     I don't know that I had a time frame for that goal per se, other than a vague sense of "before I'm old and retired and don't have energy to do things;" it was just a "someday" idea. To my surprise, I realized recently that I seem to have attained it without even noticing. Work has been a little rough this year, starting with changing positions and feeling like an utter newbie where I had been the go-to person on the team, to finding out one of my goals would be delayed for a few years due to a pre-req I'd overlooked, to finally getting into a very rarely offered training and then falling sick the week before (I masked up and went anyway, because it's that infrequent). Each time, though, I realized that the urge to get angry and rant and rave or seethe about the injustice of it all just... never arose. After literally decades of internal work, my reaction was more a sigh of acknowledging the situation wasn't what I wanted, and then looking at how I could make it work.

     It is weird changing your image of yourself. You know, that quick boxed summary of yourself that you give when meeting someone new that you'll probably be around a lot. I knew I had a temper when I was younger; I knew that if something pushed me over the edge, I'd run the gamut of loudly angry, quietly angry, then simmering resentment until something overrode it, so I'd include that in my self-intro. It wasn't until someone on my new team pointed out that they'd never seen or heard of me being angry (it's not a huge office, so gossip gets around) that I realized they were right; I wasn't that person anymore. And while it's cool to see how years of work has paid off, and I'm a generally happier person overall, it's weird knowing there's a different you that no longer exists. 

Taking stock

     Over the past couple years, I have officially tested my skills in both French and Russian, and got a good enough score to officially use them for work. Two years ago, I started Japanese, because it's a fascinating culture that's very different from the other two, and someday I'd like to go visit without being a rude tourist. I'm nowhere near as fluent in Japanese as in the other languages (33 years studying French and 12 studying Russian), but I can pick things up when I watch anime or read manga. Each language is pretty heavily compartmented in my head, though, so I don't think about the aggregate of my skills, I just think "Oh, I speak other languages, a common thing." (Ironically, the word language is one I constantly mistype and need to use autocorrect for.)

     Due to conflicting schedules, I ended up taking two separate Japanese classes for two weeks recently, thankfully in the same book, but on different chapters. Inevitably, that meant I dropped the ball on one of them, since I knew I'd re-do that chapter in the other class in a month or two. To my great surprise, I still managed to pull off a decent grade on the final exam, and I mentioned this to a friend who also speaks other languages. Their response, while supportively over-the-top, made me pause and reassess where I am. (The next part may sound like bragging, but it's truly me being surprised at how my life looks from the outside.)

     I speak, with varying degrees of skill, four languages. FOUR (I tend to forget English because everyone speaks it, right?). Four wildly different cultures, grammars, and lexicons. I recently met someone who speaks three languages fluently and I was blown away at the idea, yet never once turned that lens inward. Add to that the other hobbies I dabble in, and I see why someone recently said "Of course you know how to do that. Is there anything you don't do?" And while the answer is yes, quite a huge number of things, it's probably good to stop and give yourself credit for what you do do every now and then. 

Lesson learned

     Many years ago, I took a Russian 101 level class in spring, then immediately went to Russia that summer. Glossing over how that was a horrible idea, I was faced with two options for class in Russia: repeat the absolute beginner class, or skip the 102 level class to join the second year. Being the ambitious person I was, I chose the second option, and regretted it the whole time I was there. The 102 class I'd skipped had some incredibly vital lessons, such as how to conjugate verbs and noun/adjective declension - things you were (obviously) expected to have mastered by level 2, where they piled on the vocab to fill in that framework. Without that base knowledge, I struggled a lot with new concepts and just generally had a horrible time. 

     Fast forward a lot, and now I'm learning Japanese just for funsies. A local community college offered levels 101 and 102, but nothing past that. I looked around a bit and found a regional society that offers many, many more levels of instruction and even uses the same textbook for beginning levels as the community college classes. Sounds great, right? Naturally, there's a catch... the community college covers four chapters in the book per class, while the regional society only covers three. So my options for moving forward are:

• Review two chapters I've already done and have one new chapter in level 3; or
• Skip one chapter and move ahead with all-new material in level 4. 

     Ironically, the one new chapter in level 3 is... conjugating verbs, and noun/adjective agreement. And this time, I did not hesitate at all; I signed right up to repeat two chapters and give those verbs and adjectives all the attention they need. My dad has a saying he uses often - nothing you learn is ever wasted. I'd like to think I got more out of that horrible trip to Russia than just not repeating a language-learning mistake, but hey, if it helps me now, I won't complain too much. 

Self-awareness

     One of my first memories of being aware of how other people perceived me was in second grade. Our class was going to do a recording on a poem to put in some larger school project (I don't recall those details), and we all put in a good amount of time memorizing this short poem and wanting to be the one who'd record it. I remember thinking I should definitely be chosen, and was rather disappointed when I wasn't. I asked why not, and the teacher decided to show me instead of just brushing me off. She recorded me reciting the poem, and played it back... and I discovered I could not properly say the letter R - it came out as W every time.

     I remember instantly going from pride at reciting the poem perfectly to chagrin that I couldn't speak properly and somehow had been utterly ignorant of the fact. I honestly had no idea - my speaking sounded exactly like everyone else's to me in my head, but the mistakes were patently, painfully obvious on the recording. Thankfully, I don't recall anyone being mean about it, but I was still aware of everyone looking at me and definitely did not like it.

     I found myself going to the school's speech therapist once a week after that. I recall walking down huge (to me), empty hallways on my own, partly proud I was being trusted to find my own way there and back, and partly ashamed that I had to go do this thing that no one else did. I don't recall how long it took, but I was determined not to be held back by this, so I read sentence after sentence and poem after poem about rowdy red roosters and rolled my Rs (because hey, at least that was better than saying W) until I finally figured it out. I got some little certificate of completion from the therapist and was told I didn't have to come back the next week.

     It's a minor memory, but it was the first time I realized that other people might not see me the same way I see myself. Every so often, I check in with myself and see if my actions (and others' reactions to me) match what I want to be. Sometimes that involves being okay with others thinking I'm odd - ok, often it does - but every now and then I realize something is out of whack and I need to re-examine those little habits you tend not to notice. Often enough that I'll keep doing it, just in case. 

Impostor syndrome... or maybe not

     I've been reading a book titled Influence: The psychology of persuasion by Robert Cialdini lately, about various methods by which people - typically unscrupulous ones - get us to agree to do or buy something we didn't initially want to do or buy. I wouldn't classify myself as a pushover, per se, but I do have a tendency to give people too many chances to make my life difficult and I figured this would hep me to at least be aware of when I fall for fallacious entreaties.

     While I'm only about halfway through the book, it has already been eye-opening and informative. One section talks about what the author calls the fallacy of pluralism: nobody wants to appear flustered or at a loss, so we constantly side-eye what others are doing and take our social cues from what seems to be the status quo. In most cases, this is perfectly fine: you can judge how to interact with a new ticket counter by how others approach it, or that a clown getting in your personal space at a work party is funny rather than something to be offended at, that sort of thing.

Exercise goals

     In 2017, I somewhat randomly picked a physical fitness goal to hit by 2019: to do a pike-to-handstand (link). I keep seeing it done in "people are awesome" youtube videos, which I watch occasionally as an end-of-day feel-good mood booster, and they look amazing. I found a couple sites that broke it down into separate parts, and I've been working on them as part of my regular workouts.

     In a similar vein, NerdFitness, the geeky website I use for fitness information, released a "Rings and Handstands" pack that takes you step-by-step on how to do things like handstands, handstand push-ups, ring L-sits, ring muscle-ups, and ring front levers. It was half off, as an introductory price, so I went for it, and have been working my way through some of the progressions there, as well, since many of them target the same muscles and skills as pike-to-handstands.

Thermoplastics - practice knives

Taking American Kenpo Karate lessons through a local community college. The teacher instructs us on empty hand as well as knife techniques (the theory being anything you can do with one can be done with the other to greater or lesser effect). Unfortunately, only one student has practice knives, so we don't get to do much actual practicing.

Until I show up, and think "hey, I could make those out of thermoplastics..."

Baking experiments

One of the great things about working in a smaller company is that you can make small batches of things, leave them in the lunch room, and get feedback! I did this back before Christmas in 2015, and now that the sugar rush from the holidays has worn off, I figured I'd give it another go.

Naturally, I modified things as I tried them, because I'm not going to pour soupy "dough" into a cookie sheet and hope it turns out well - of course I'm going to fix it! Interestingly, recent experiments with protein powders, healthy recipes, and adding vegan recipes for one of our executives (let's face it, how many holiday treats do vegans get to share in?) means that my methods of "fixing" have changed. In the past, if a recipe was too dry, I'd add milk, but let's be honest, that really only fixes the dough, not the finished product. Adding a tablespoon of applesauce, on the other hand, works wonderfully for both sides of the cooking process.

Anyway, on to the recipes (with my modifications)!

Peanut butter protein bars (vegan)
    1 cup oats
    1 cup rice crispies
    1/4 cup protein powder (I use rice powder)
    1/2 tsp cinnamon
    1/4 tsp salt
    1/2 cup blue agave syrup (probably any sweetener would do)
    1/2 cup peanut butter
    2 tsp vanilla
    2/3 cup chocolate chips
    Mix dry, set aside. Heat peanut butter and agave syrup in microwave for 45 seconds. Stir, then add vanilla. Add dry ingredients. Grease an 8x8 pan, then press the mix into it. Melt chocolate and spread on top. Chill in fridge/freezer. Once hardened, cut into 8-16 pieces. Keep in fridge. 328-164 calories each.

Banana pecan oat cake (vegan)
    2 cups regular oats, processed into a flour
    1/2 cup regular oats (not processed)
    1/2 cup brown sugar
    1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
    1/8th tsp ground nutmeg
    1/16th tsp ground cloves
    2 tbsp sugar
    1 tsp baking powder
    1/2 tsp kosher salt
    2 tbsp vegetable oil
    2 medium very ripe bananas
    1/3 cup applesauce
    1/4 cup almond milk
    1 tsp pure vanilla extract
    1/4 cup walnuts, chopped
    1 ripe banana, cut into chunks
I just used my blender to get the 2 cups of oats into a flour. It was a little rough, but gave the cakes a nice texture. Mix the dry, set aside. Mix everything else except the final banana. Add the dry. Grease muffin tins (or use cups), fill about 2/3 full. Slice the last banana, press the pieces into the tops. Bake at 350 for 14 minutes. Makes 17. These are not overly sweet, which really brings out the banana and spices. 124 calories each.

Coconut lime macadamia cookies

    3/4 cups granulated sugar
    3/4 cup brown sugar
    1/2 cup salted butter, softened
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 large egg
    3/4 cup shredded coconut
    2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
    1 tablespoon grated lime rind
    2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
    1 teaspoon baking soda
    1/4 teaspoon salt

    1/4 cup chopped macadamia nuts
Mix sugars, butter, vanilla and egg until fluffy. Add lime juice and rind. Add dry ingredients and macadamia nuts. Bake at 350 for 13 minutes. Makes 39. These smell and taste like you ought to be on the beach, and have a surprising 72 calories each.

Now for the less health-conscious recipes.

Peanut Butter Cup Cookies
    1 cup butter, softened
    2/3 cup peanut butter
    1 cup sugar
    1 cup packed brown sugar
    2 eggs
    1/3 cup natural applesauce (unsweetened is best)
    2 teaspoons vanilla extract
    4 cups all-purpose flour
    1 teaspoon baking soda
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    2 cups (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips
    2 cups chopped peanut butter cups (about 22 mini-cups, or 2/3 of a  bag)
Mix butters, sugars, egg, applesauce, and vanilla. Add dry. Add chocolate chips and peanut butter cups. Bake at 350 for 12 minutes.  Makes 78. These are a lot sweeter than I prefer in my cookies, and a touch drier, although the applesauce helps. 94 calories each.

Marshmallow Caramel Oreo Cookie S'mores Bars
    6 tablespoons salted butter, melted
    32 Oreo Cookies, ground
    2 cups mini marshmallows
    15 caramels, unwrapped and quartered
    4 tablespoons semi-sweet chocolate chips
Mix ground Oreo cookies and melted butter. (This is important:) Line an 8x8 pan with foil, leaving the ends hanging over the sides. Spray with cooking spray. Press cookie mix into foil, bake at 350 for 10 minutes. While hot, sprinkle marshmallows on top of crust, then caramels on top of marshmallows. Put back in the oven for 8-10 minutes, until everything is melty but the marshmallows aren't browning yet. Remove, sprinkler chocolate chips on top. Let cool. Cut into 16 bars. I haven't gotten taste results yet (because holy cow way too sugary for me), but when I was slicing it, it became apparent that the melty toppings hadn't bonded with the crumbly Oreo crust at all. Maybe okay over ice cream, but it didn't seem worth the whopping 205 calories each.

And there we go! I will definitely be making the oat cakes and coconut lime macadamia cookies again. I'll wait to try to protein bars when I bring them in to work tomorrow, but they did smell good. Let me know if there's a recipe you'd like me to try out. This was quite fun!

Cheating

     Sorry for the radio silence; I haven't been inspired to write anything lately, since I've been occupied getting used to a 9-5 job for the first time since 2009. So instead of writing something new, I'm just going to give you a link to a translation I wrote recently:

Russian Fairy tales- Бобовое зернышко.

     I've been spending lunch break translating fairy tales, and have decided to share them with you. Enjoy!

When not to apologize

     You often hear the advice, "learn when to say no," regarding ways to uncomplicated your life and be happier. What they don't mention is the aftermath of that: saying no and not feeling badly about it. I've learned to say no to things like overtime, people who will drag your life down with drama, errant ex-boyfriends, horrible job offers, and invitations to events I really don't think I'd enjoy. The problem is that then I agonize over the decision, trying to decide if it was justified or just selfish and rude.

     Segue for a moment: this past week, I started a new job. It's the first full-time job I've had in five years, and it seems like a really good fit for me. The people are crazy (the good kind of crazy though), the work is diverse, and I'm not watching the clock every day, waiting for 5:00 to get there and free me. There's a lot to learn, but I'm enjoying it. So it stands to reason that this is the week that I get contacted by my translation internship to ask if I want to be involved in possibly opening up a branch office in my location. Had they asked before this job was on the horizon, I would have unhesitatingly jumped at the opportunity. But now, well, I have a better prospect, so I said thank you, but no.

Being sick

     Three weeks ago, I started getting a sinus infection.
     Two days in, it became apparent it would be a bad one, and I got medicine.
     That night, I realized I was one of the 12% that got insomnia as a side effect of the medicine.
     But if I didn't take it, I got headaches from the sinus pressure and couldn't breathe through my nose.
     Two weeks ago, my gentleman brought home the cold bug that's going around.
     And gave it to me.

     For two weeks, I slept less than one hour every night, usually on the couch, because I didn't want to wake my gentleman up (also because, once he got sick, he was snoring like a chainsaw). The first few days were the worst, because I kept hoping it would get better, or the other medicine I was taking to try to get some sleep would kick in, and I'd be able to pass out. After a while, though, it caught up to me, and I spent both days and nights in a mostly-coherent zombie state. I literally hated everything, living or dead, and had to move slowly in order to a) understand anything, b) not run into walls more than usual, and c) not start lashing out at things that really weren't the cause of my problems.

     A week ago, I felt well enough to just take the cold medicine, not the sinus stuff that was giving me insomnia. The first night, I slept for four hours, and life started looking better. My gentleman was still in the middle of being sick, though, so I was still mostly sleeping on the couch. By the middle of the week, I was sleeping for eight hours, and even ventured back onto the bed for some of that time. Finally, a couple nights ago, I was able to sleep not only all night long, but also all night long on the bed. And suddenly, literally overnight, my perspective changed.

     They say you get sick as a reminder to appreciate what you have when you're well. I have to say, sleep deprivation is a darn good way to realize that. There have been problems gnawing on my consciousness for a while now, and finally getting a good night's sleep helped put them in perspective. Sometimes, you just need a solid wake-up call (heh) to reorder your priorities. So while I'm not thrilled that I was so horribly sick and sleep-deprived, I'm glad I got things straightened out. And I really, really appreciate a good night's sleep now. Cheers!

Business is open!

     Hey all, hopefully this will be settling down here now that the business is officially open. If you haven't seen it, the website is here, and the store itself is on Etsy. Stop by and see what's been sucking my time away!

     In other news (yes, there is other news even with a new business),  I've decided to start my own dance group out here, as the ones I'd found aren't quite as demanding or graceful as I'd hoped. I made a deal with my old teacher out in Colorado, and we're going to try a distance learning thing via Skype/ video recordings. I've also switched to a Russian server in WoW in order to keep in practice, and boy does that help! It takes me about six times as long to do quests than it does in the English version, but my vocab and even grammar is getting one heck of a boost!

Quest log: I'm sorry, you want me to do WHAT now?

     In light of these and other changes, I've also decided to drop the online Masters classes I'd signed up for, until I know what my income levels will be. I'm debating a couple alternatives to keep me busy, such as kickboxing through the gym where I'll be dancing, and any number of language classes at the local community college, but that decision has to wait til I see how the business will do. If it takes off, then great! If it is a gradual takeoff, then I'll go sign up with a temp agency to keep me busy (and paid) until it's a means of support.

     So while things aren't super settled in yet, I have a couple plans, and feel like I'm on the right track. Thanks for your patience, and I'll be putting things up here occasionally, as life gets less hectic (ha!). Cheers!

Staying busy

     Well, I promised you guys that I'd have a decision by now, and after some thought, I've decided to scale back. I've been working on starting a business this past month, and once it launches this Friday (website here, if you're interested), I'll be able to have an idea of the time commitment necessary to keep it running. Once that happens, I can figure out whether to apply for a full-time or part-time job, or if I need to go looking for employees of my own (wouldn't that be nice!).

     Long and short: I'm feeling a little busy, and want to focus on the new business. I'm not giving up on the blog, because I do enjoy telling stories and drawing things, but I think it'll be on a sporadic, as-things-come-up basis, rather than scheduled weekly posts. Still, this summer marks three years of putting memories, thoughts, concerns, and considerations up here, so I think it went pretty well. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you again, I'm sure. Cheers!

FTP 56 - Learning

And yet society has taught us, these days, that we should fear failure. There is a difference between striving for success, and being so wary of someone else finding out that we fail- an integral part of reaching successfulness- that you don't even try. 

Buck society, try new things, fall on your face, pick yourself up, and keep going. There is more shame in stagnation and backwardness (in my opinion) than in trying and failing until you make it happen. Cheers!