As I've mentioned before, I have a habit of befriending generations before me, primarily (I believe) because I was raised to be polite. I take time to listen to people, and let them know that I really do appreciate hearing their stories, because you never know what you're going to learn. To be sure, sometimes you learn that you don't really want to continue that acquaintance, but there are some pretty powerful stories hidden in very unlikely places.
Recently, as I was going downstairs to switch my laundry over, I ran into a gentleman with whom I'd exchanged pleasantries a number of times; typically I'd be on my way to work or school and he'd be leaning on the railing by his door. He seemed a nice enough person, always smiling or finding something positive to say, and I'd figured he was retired and in a similar financial situation to me- I can't imagine that anyone would live in this complex who could afford better. Today, however, I saw him sitting on the bench in the center of the building, and he mentioned he hadn't seen me in a while, so I wandered over to chat with him.
I told him I'd been in Russia and he surprised me by being fairly knowledgeable about the political situation there. He had some cultural questions, of course, but we had a pretty decent conversation about what was going on over there, in general terms. He mentioned he'd seen some stuff on the news, and had actually paid attention and looked further into it, just to keep tabs on what was going on in the world. Impressed, I mentioned the corruption that seems to be status quo in that country, and he responded with a rather bitter comment about how it was similar in other Eastern European countries. I won't lie, I know next to nothing about one specific one he was holding a grudge against, so I asked how he knew. Bit by bit, he told his story:
Thirty years ago, he told me, he'd been working like mad to help support ten kids he'd had by three different mothers. Eventually, things deteriorated, and he finally took them all to court to fight for custody of his children. Keep in mind that this was back in the 80s, when the concept of "deadbeat dads" was starting to gain momentum; despite that, however, he won custody- and child support from the mothers- of all 10 children: 9 boys and a little girl. As a single black father, he started up two businesses of his own that became successful and helped him to buy his own house, pay it off, and start sending his kids to school.
He decided that he didn't need the child support- he wanted the deadbeat moms out of his kids' lives- so he returned their checks, and kept working on his businesses. Only one of his children ever got into trouble, he told me, and that was for starting a fight because he didn't want to be in a gang (a well-known gang, at that), and the other guys wouldn't leave him alone. Eventually, almost all of his kids went off to college and started their own lives, and he has seven grandkids now.
His youngest, the daughter, is still in college, though. A couple years ago, something happened and he lost his businesses. Rather than leave his last child at a disadvantage, however, he elected to sell his house and move into these apartments so that the proceeds from the sale could go to her tuition. He's been working on starting up another business, but apparently he went in on it with two foreigners who haven't kept their promises, and currently owe him multiple thousands of dollars. Luckily, one of the new business' customers is our apartment complex, and they granted him leeway for the last two months' rent that he wasn't able to pay due to the shady practices of his partners. He's in the process of taking them to court, but since they kept all the money from the business, they can afford lawyers...
Here's this man who lives two doors down from me, that I've merely said hello to a couple times, with this amazing backstory. He went from a successful entrepreneur, single father of ten children, and homeowner, to an older guy who's fighting to keep a single-bedroom apartment and make his way in the world while supporting his daughter at a local college (apparently she's majoring in math and some form of engineering, too, so you know he was no slouch at raising them to use their brains!). There are so many levels to that story that I wasn't really sure how to respond. And yet, despite all of it, he still smiles and waves back when I say hello in the morning, and still has something good to say, no matter what. People are amazing.
So the next time you pass someone in the street, or you see someone driving along who is perhaps going a little too fast/slow/crazy/whatever for your taste, the next time you catch a glimpse of a careworn face turned up towards the sun... ask yourself what stories could be lying behind that peek you're allowed into another person's life. You may not have time to stop and find out, but sometimes, it's worth it to make the time. You never know what you might learn.
Recently, as I was going downstairs to switch my laundry over, I ran into a gentleman with whom I'd exchanged pleasantries a number of times; typically I'd be on my way to work or school and he'd be leaning on the railing by his door. He seemed a nice enough person, always smiling or finding something positive to say, and I'd figured he was retired and in a similar financial situation to me- I can't imagine that anyone would live in this complex who could afford better. Today, however, I saw him sitting on the bench in the center of the building, and he mentioned he hadn't seen me in a while, so I wandered over to chat with him.
I told him I'd been in Russia and he surprised me by being fairly knowledgeable about the political situation there. He had some cultural questions, of course, but we had a pretty decent conversation about what was going on over there, in general terms. He mentioned he'd seen some stuff on the news, and had actually paid attention and looked further into it, just to keep tabs on what was going on in the world. Impressed, I mentioned the corruption that seems to be status quo in that country, and he responded with a rather bitter comment about how it was similar in other Eastern European countries. I won't lie, I know next to nothing about one specific one he was holding a grudge against, so I asked how he knew. Bit by bit, he told his story:
Thirty years ago, he told me, he'd been working like mad to help support ten kids he'd had by three different mothers. Eventually, things deteriorated, and he finally took them all to court to fight for custody of his children. Keep in mind that this was back in the 80s, when the concept of "deadbeat dads" was starting to gain momentum; despite that, however, he won custody- and child support from the mothers- of all 10 children: 9 boys and a little girl. As a single black father, he started up two businesses of his own that became successful and helped him to buy his own house, pay it off, and start sending his kids to school.
He decided that he didn't need the child support- he wanted the deadbeat moms out of his kids' lives- so he returned their checks, and kept working on his businesses. Only one of his children ever got into trouble, he told me, and that was for starting a fight because he didn't want to be in a gang (a well-known gang, at that), and the other guys wouldn't leave him alone. Eventually, almost all of his kids went off to college and started their own lives, and he has seven grandkids now.
His youngest, the daughter, is still in college, though. A couple years ago, something happened and he lost his businesses. Rather than leave his last child at a disadvantage, however, he elected to sell his house and move into these apartments so that the proceeds from the sale could go to her tuition. He's been working on starting up another business, but apparently he went in on it with two foreigners who haven't kept their promises, and currently owe him multiple thousands of dollars. Luckily, one of the new business' customers is our apartment complex, and they granted him leeway for the last two months' rent that he wasn't able to pay due to the shady practices of his partners. He's in the process of taking them to court, but since they kept all the money from the business, they can afford lawyers...
Here's this man who lives two doors down from me, that I've merely said hello to a couple times, with this amazing backstory. He went from a successful entrepreneur, single father of ten children, and homeowner, to an older guy who's fighting to keep a single-bedroom apartment and make his way in the world while supporting his daughter at a local college (apparently she's majoring in math and some form of engineering, too, so you know he was no slouch at raising them to use their brains!). There are so many levels to that story that I wasn't really sure how to respond. And yet, despite all of it, he still smiles and waves back when I say hello in the morning, and still has something good to say, no matter what. People are amazing.
So the next time you pass someone in the street, or you see someone driving along who is perhaps going a little too fast/slow/crazy/whatever for your taste, the next time you catch a glimpse of a careworn face turned up towards the sun... ask yourself what stories could be lying behind that peek you're allowed into another person's life. You may not have time to stop and find out, but sometimes, it's worth it to make the time. You never know what you might learn.
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