Be yourself

     I was recently going through some old documents I found from a decade or so ago and realized just how angry I was back then. At the time, I was with the first guy I ever dated- an eight-year mistake- and driving a tow truck in the Northern Virginia area. Much of what I wrote was concerning problems between my ex and I, but buried in the middle of a rather long rant, I came across this (cleaned up slightly from stream-of-consciousness rambling):

     I want to be refined, to put a classy spin on things, but just like being a female in the driving industry, it's hard to be classy when everyone around you is categorizing you and putting their own dreams and aspirations on you the moment they see you. I don't want to be an ideal, or a breakthrough in women's rights. I want to be able to do my job, and be treated like I'm trying to work, not like an object or a pioneer. It's almost worse with the women, because they see me and think, "Wow, that's someone who knows what she wants, and she didn't take any sh!t to go get it. I wish I could be like her." That's not how it was, though. I took sh!t- hell, I still do- for what I'm doing, but I'm not doing it for that. I'm doing it because I want to. That's it. There's a part of me that says "Hey, look, I'm just me, just an ordinary person. There's nothing I've done that anyone else couldn't do."

     This is something I've run into a lot, actually. Most of the jobs I've had in the past were in decidedly male-dominated fields, from tech support for a software company to driving flatbed 18-wheelers to working in warehouses. I did them because, well, they're what I chose as a short-term goal at the time. I never pursued a job to break boundaries or attract men, I just saw something that interested me and went for it. It never occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't be doing so just because I am a woman.

     As far as catching grief, I could spend the next month or two telling a different story every day about the crap I put up with in those jobs, and not even scratch the surface of what I dealt with. The number of times I heard "You drive that?????" while I was driving various sized trucks was truly staggering, as if it was so difficult to believe that a woman could drive a large vehicle. I have been pointedly ignored, flat-out harassed, laughed at, mocked, leered at, and even assaulted (only once) in my various fields of employment, and there have been times I have wanted to take the nearest piece of heavy equipment and lay out one or two of the more offensive jerks I've run into. But I didn't.

Yes, I hooked that up, strapped that down, and brought it back. Problem?

     And yeah, the women are almost worse. I've dealt with girlfriends and wives who don't believe that no, really, I just want to do my job, I'm not interested in your man as long as he pulls his weight in the workplace. Because, ya know, nothing says "I'm out to seduce a co-worker" (a staggeringly stupid idea) like showing up to work in dirty cargo pants, a long-sleeve shirt to protect my arms, and steel-toed boots. I've also dealt with the hero-worshippers and the feminists who want to turn me into the poor, oppressed woman, struggling bravely in a patriarchal world. Those almost tick me off more than the girlfriends/ wives. While I realize that there's a glass ceiling still in some places, I have never run into this. In part, this is because I work to my standards, which are always higher than my employers', and in part this is because I demand both respect and equal pay for equal work. If a company doesn't want to recognize the work I do and pay me equally, I leave. End of story.

     I fully believe that anyone could do what I've done, too. Moving across the country, traveling through Europe, driving a rig over the Appalachians, studying in Russia, skydiving, pushing total loss wrecks out of a lot too small to fit my truck in... anyone could do any of that. It's all a matter of just saying you're going to do it, and then doing so. Sometimes you have to find the humor in things, like parking my rig at a truck stop on a Friday night, then putting on a skirt and a corset to work at a Renaissance Faire the next day. Sometimes you have to just grit your teeth and keep going, something I had to do when my boss at the warehouse told me he took a chance hiring me- that no one else in the industry would have even considered hiring a woman (he didn't regret it). You simply can't let other people get in the way of your dreams, even if they are just short-term goals.

     I realize that not everyone sees things the same way I do, and I'm fine with that. If people want to see me as a heroic rebel, a pin-up girl ideal who just walked into their impound lot, or a woman who doesn't know "her place," fine. They can believe whatever they want to believe. Just don't get in my way and try to drag me down with all of that- treat me like a human being who's here to get a job done, and leave your fantasies for someone who cares. I've got a work to do.