In high school, I hung out in the band hallway. I was by no means one of the "cool" kids. My friends were the geeks, the gamers, the band and drama nerds, and the occasional choir member as well. I loved them for their quirky ideals and willingness to let the things they were passionate about overcome the need to be 'cool.' I will admit, there was a certain amount of similarity in styles of dress- after all, there was only one place for people who liked to wear all black to get clothing back then- but for the most part, they weren't concerned with the latest style, or who was more popular, or who said what to whom, etc. All-in-all, I found it a fairly decent place to be.
One thing that constantly blew my mind, however, was that my friends could not grasp the fact that appearances affect people's opinions about you. I'm not sure why this is, since I'm sure they were aiming for the "don't mess with me" look, but there you have it. So while they teased me about wearing "normal"
clothes and not dying my hair funky colors or wearing too much makeup, they were also getting hassled by authorities and held in suspicion of things they hadn't necessarily done.
I, on the other hand, with my bland, boring look and penchant for honestly and forthrightness, managed to get away with an amazing amount of things. Not big things, mind you, since in order to be honest, you have to make sure you don't do things you wouldn't want to admit to, but still. For example, I got pulled over for speeding (a habit I picked up from a certain parent) no less than 16 times before I got an actual ticket. Unlike what some people advised, I would be courteous to the cop (they're just doing their job, folks...), tell the truth, accept responsibility, and, amazingly, get off with a warning because, "your record is clean." Sixteen times. And when I finally did get a ticket, I just paid it. Goodness knows I deserved it.
Fast forward a number of years: I've been in the workforce for over a decade and have also returned to school. Having never had any good reason to change, I've kept that habit of being honest and forthright. Rather than being consigned to life as a stick-in-the-mud, or "the reliable one" who gets taken advantage of, however, I feel like these qualities have given me an incredible boost up, as well as an amazing outlook on life. Here's how:
Being honest means a couple different things. For starters, as mentioned above, it tends to keep your conscience clean, since, well, you'd have to be honest and rat yourself out if you do something wrong and someone asks who did it. So already honesty = feeling better about yourself. Another thing about being honest is that you tend to meet and keep other honest, good people as friends. After all, if your friend tells you he got drunk and robbed a bank last night, and the cops come around asking questions... you get the picture. And yeah, it might mean that you're not "cool," according to that type of person, but let's see. You are surrounded by good people and don't have to hide things, whereas they aren't and they do. I'll take honest over cool, thanks.
What else does honesty do for you? Amazingly, studies show, people trust you more when you have a reputation for being honest. Whether it's a boss trusting you with a valuable client or a friend trusting you with their secrets, you get more rewards and better relationships with those around you when you prove you're on the level. Sure, sometimes you get stuck with the hard jobs or you learn things you don't want to hear, but in the end, it's worth it.
It's worth it because all those stupid little mistakes that everyone makes, sometimes through no fault of their own... you don't get blamed for them anymore. One class I had last year required you to bring your homework in every day to go over in class, then hand it all in at the end of the semester to prove you did it. The last day was snowy, slushy and miserable, and I completely forgot to put the homework in my bag. When I realized this, I offered to come back at 7am the next day to turn it in, but the prof said no. She told me that, since I'd been responsible all semester, and she knew and trusted that I'd done the work, I would get an A for homework without turning it in. I know why she said that, and I had done the work, but it was still an amazing reprieve for a stupid mistake.
Keep in mind, however, I'm not condoning being a tell-tale or brutal with your honesty. If I'm absolutely certain it won't harm anyone, I will tell the occasional little white lie ("I'm really busy, sorry, I can't pick up another 14-hour shift,") or take a pen I particularly like home from work with me. But the goal isn't to come out ahead or to hurt other people. The goal of being honest is to happy with yourself. If you can get the balance right, honesty mixed with a little humor will let you say your mind, and be honest, while still not offending anyone and maybe, just maybe, you will get them to think about what they've done.
As with optimism, honesty is hard work, and it doesn't always get you what you want. I've confessed to unprovable misdemeanors, and accepted my punishment for them. I've taken the speeding tickets I've deserved and just paid them, even though I couldn't really afford them. I've even been fired from a job or two for sticking up for my beliefs and telling the truth when it wasn't politic to do so. But you know what? I'd do it again in a heartbeat, because I can live with my decisions, and even though the consequences seemed dire at the time, I wouldn't be where I am in life (and I love where I am), if I hadn't stuck to that honesty.
Just a final thought, though. I'm not saying that all people who dress differently are dishonest, weird, or uncool. As you can see from the above pictures, most of my friends are sufficiently unique that I'm definitely the oddball out, but they've also learned to accept that they will be treated differently, and, most importantly in my eyes, don't let that stop them. They've eschewed their own stereotypes and have decided to be decent people for themselves, and I love them all for it. You wouldn't think we'd get along, but we all have the honor, decency, and respect to be who we are. It just doesn't get much better than that. Cheers!
One thing that constantly blew my mind, however, was that my friends could not grasp the fact that appearances affect people's opinions about you. I'm not sure why this is, since I'm sure they were aiming for the "don't mess with me" look, but there you have it. So while they teased me about wearing "normal"
clothes and not dying my hair funky colors or wearing too much makeup, they were also getting hassled by authorities and held in suspicion of things they hadn't necessarily done.
I, on the other hand, with my bland, boring look and penchant for honestly and forthrightness, managed to get away with an amazing amount of things. Not big things, mind you, since in order to be honest, you have to make sure you don't do things you wouldn't want to admit to, but still. For example, I got pulled over for speeding (a habit I picked up from a certain parent) no less than 16 times before I got an actual ticket. Unlike what some people advised, I would be courteous to the cop (they're just doing their job, folks...), tell the truth, accept responsibility, and, amazingly, get off with a warning because, "your record is clean." Sixteen times. And when I finally did get a ticket, I just paid it. Goodness knows I deserved it.
Fast forward a number of years: I've been in the workforce for over a decade and have also returned to school. Having never had any good reason to change, I've kept that habit of being honest and forthright. Rather than being consigned to life as a stick-in-the-mud, or "the reliable one" who gets taken advantage of, however, I feel like these qualities have given me an incredible boost up, as well as an amazing outlook on life. Here's how:
Being honest means a couple different things. For starters, as mentioned above, it tends to keep your conscience clean, since, well, you'd have to be honest and rat yourself out if you do something wrong and someone asks who did it. So already honesty = feeling better about yourself. Another thing about being honest is that you tend to meet and keep other honest, good people as friends. After all, if your friend tells you he got drunk and robbed a bank last night, and the cops come around asking questions... you get the picture. And yeah, it might mean that you're not "cool," according to that type of person, but let's see. You are surrounded by good people and don't have to hide things, whereas they aren't and they do. I'll take honest over cool, thanks.
What else does honesty do for you? Amazingly, studies show, people trust you more when you have a reputation for being honest. Whether it's a boss trusting you with a valuable client or a friend trusting you with their secrets, you get more rewards and better relationships with those around you when you prove you're on the level. Sure, sometimes you get stuck with the hard jobs or you learn things you don't want to hear, but in the end, it's worth it.
It's worth it because all those stupid little mistakes that everyone makes, sometimes through no fault of their own... you don't get blamed for them anymore. One class I had last year required you to bring your homework in every day to go over in class, then hand it all in at the end of the semester to prove you did it. The last day was snowy, slushy and miserable, and I completely forgot to put the homework in my bag. When I realized this, I offered to come back at 7am the next day to turn it in, but the prof said no. She told me that, since I'd been responsible all semester, and she knew and trusted that I'd done the work, I would get an A for homework without turning it in. I know why she said that, and I had done the work, but it was still an amazing reprieve for a stupid mistake.
Keep in mind, however, I'm not condoning being a tell-tale or brutal with your honesty. If I'm absolutely certain it won't harm anyone, I will tell the occasional little white lie ("I'm really busy, sorry, I can't pick up another 14-hour shift,") or take a pen I particularly like home from work with me. But the goal isn't to come out ahead or to hurt other people. The goal of being honest is to happy with yourself. If you can get the balance right, honesty mixed with a little humor will let you say your mind, and be honest, while still not offending anyone and maybe, just maybe, you will get them to think about what they've done.
As with optimism, honesty is hard work, and it doesn't always get you what you want. I've confessed to unprovable misdemeanors, and accepted my punishment for them. I've taken the speeding tickets I've deserved and just paid them, even though I couldn't really afford them. I've even been fired from a job or two for sticking up for my beliefs and telling the truth when it wasn't politic to do so. But you know what? I'd do it again in a heartbeat, because I can live with my decisions, and even though the consequences seemed dire at the time, I wouldn't be where I am in life (and I love where I am), if I hadn't stuck to that honesty.
Just a final thought, though. I'm not saying that all people who dress differently are dishonest, weird, or uncool. As you can see from the above pictures, most of my friends are sufficiently unique that I'm definitely the oddball out, but they've also learned to accept that they will be treated differently, and, most importantly in my eyes, don't let that stop them. They've eschewed their own stereotypes and have decided to be decent people for themselves, and I love them all for it. You wouldn't think we'd get along, but we all have the honor, decency, and respect to be who we are. It just doesn't get much better than that. Cheers!
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