I am.

     I am a liar: I tell myself I can make it through things when I don't believe I can.

     I am a cheater: I have seen enough to know that things will go right, so I can worry less.

     I am a thief: I do my utmost to steal doubt and worry from those around me.

     I am lazy: I do things right the first time, so I don't have to do them again.

     I am mean: I don't let people I know wallow in pain or misery.

     I am unsupportive: I refuse to allow people to continue self-destructive patterns.

     I am cold: I don't give all the answers away, because sometimes you learn best by doing.

     I am selfish: I don't want to let my friends go when it's time for them to fly. (But I do it anyway.)

     I am heartless: I don't let people monopolize my life and take me away from the ones I love.

     I am a fraud: I smile and look on the bright side even when I don't feel it,
                    because I know it will get better.

     I am standoffish: I choose to surround myself with people who will better my life, and I theirs.

     I am weird: I choose my own path instead of following what others feel I "should."

     I am close-minded: I have personal standards that don't get broken "just for fun."

     I am self-centered: I will help others, but not let them pull me down when they refuse to
                    help themselves.

     I am too intense: I try to live in the moment and enjoy what life gives me.

     I am boring: I balance living in the now with planning for the future.

     I am demanding: I know what I want from life, and I will not settle for less.

     I am crazy: I believe in you, and the amazing things that you will do as soon as you try.

Yes, you. The one reading this. You are awesome.

     I have been called all of these things in the past, usually more than once and in the most hateful, hurtful ways possible. The funny thing is, though, that I'm sure the person calling me these things truly believed them, and didn't know, see, or care to discover my reasoning for each one. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't believe I am some mystical, all-knowing, wise being; I make many, many mistakes, and probably have every right to be accused of all of these. The important thing is knowing when you are justly accused, and have some work to do to improve yourself, versus when someone is just trying to make you hurt as much as they do, and it's time to walk away.

     Of all of these, the one that cut closest to home is that I am a fraud. Back when I was still hurt and angry, I started forcing myself to smile, even when I didn't feel like it- especially when I didn't feel like it. People would come up to me and ask how it was that I was so happy all the time, and I wanted to just scream that it was all a lie, I wasn't happy, I didn't feel like smiling, and that the world was a horrible place. Instead, every time someone asked, I made myself find a reason why I could be happy. Not should, mind you, but could. And after a while, I started looking for those things to be happy about without anyone even asking.

     Now, smiling and looking for good things has become a habit. But I still ask myself, now and then, why. Why am I so happy? Is it really me who is happy, or am I so good at it now that I'm even faking myself out? Will I wake up one day and realize I'm not who I am, and that the world really is a horrible place? I'll be honest, I don't know. The only answer I have is this: I don't think we'll ever know who we are, and what we've done, until it's all over. Since, in a way, we're all just passing time until that happens, wouldn't it be better to be happy, have a positive life, and brighten the days of those around you while you're waiting? I guess I think it's worth it, because every day, I choose to be this way. And so far, I think it's treated me pretty well.

     So yeah, I am all those things, because I choose to be. I feel that the results of being this way are worth the occasional misunderstandings by people who won't accept me for who I am. It helps me find those who will, and lets me get on with helping those I can. 'Cause I'm selfish like that. Cheers!