So, picking up where we left off last time, it had been pretty obviously driven home that I was messed up. I didn't trust anyone, I didn't like anyone outside of the three friends I had, I was angry beyond belief at the world in general, and I was extremely uncomfortable around people. For better or for worse, I decided to start out by fixing the 'not liking people' issue. After all, trust comes with time, and it's really easy to avoid people and be angry at them when they are faceless strangers, right? I had a plan, vague as it was, and it was time to get to work.
Somewhat conveniently, it was about this time that I started college, first part-time around work, and then full-time as the company was bought out and my "customers are more important than money" attitude became unpopular. One thing college will do, no matter what age you are when you go, is expose you to other people. And while there are an awful lot of wet-behind-the-ears newbies spouting off the latest philosophy or slogan they've come across, there are also a lot of really interesting people with solid ideas (hint: if you're a bit of a strange cookie, look for the other strange cookies). Once I learned to choke back the instant dislike of having to interact with people, and actually engaged a few of them in conversations to find out why they believed what they did, rather than just what bandwagon they were on, I started to get along with them much better.
Now, I'll grant you, this is somewhat hit or miss. I did meet a lot of people whom I didn't particularly care for, and I still do, but I figured I'd just accept that and move on, after looking for at least one good reason they should be alive. Sometimes it just comes down to "well, they're a great example of what not to do in life," (and I'm definitely not advocating saying this to them!), but once you start looking for the good in people, it becomes a habit. Even today, I do my best to encourage people and give them support in their goals, because you never know what good you might do, with just a kind word.
Ok, so I'd somewhat gotten used to being around people, since it's hard to hide in a classroom, and I was learning to see the good in them, and even earn a few acquaintances here and there. But I was still pretty ticked off at the world in general. I have a tendency to make lists in life, not necessarily to check things off, but just to bring order to the chaos of thoughts. So one day, I sat down and started making a list of why I was angry at the world. I'm sure it was very cathartic, but the important thing, to me, was figuring out what the common themes were, and how to address them.
The most blatant one that popped up time after time was pretty simple, and nearly impossible to resolve: I had a view of the way things should work, and expected them to be done expediently and efficiently. After all, I was capable of making the things I needed to do happen, so why couldn't the rest of the world step it up? Shy of overthrowing multiple governments and either instituting dystopian-style conditioning or replacing humanity with robots, however, there will always be red tape, confusing processes, and inefficient people in the way of getting things done. As unsatisfactory as the solution sounds, the only way to get around this is to change your expectations of the world. I'm not saying let it walk all over you- you still have to have certain standards- but just realize and accept that things will go wrong, and learn to laugh at them instead of get angry.
This was, quite possibly, one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do. Even now, I don't have a complete grip on it; I'm sure very few people outside of monasteries feel comfortable in their mastery of this concept. Unfortunately, as much as I love my mother, she is where I got this problem from, so it's a pretty deeply ingrained habit. If someone does something incorrectly, inefficiently, or in a manner she feels is not "right" by her standards, she will make it patently obvious that she is dissatisfied, and will be angry about it for a good long time. As such, I took to fixing this issue in stages- first I made myself just let things go rather than dwell on them, and after a while, the time it took to do so got less and less. Now, for the most part, I can keep my cool while things are happening, and laugh it off once the situation is past. Not always, I'm still working on it, but every time you make the conscious effort to let things go and not let anger rule your life, it gets easier.
Alright, checklist: anger- working on it. Trust- it's building up, back there in the background. I still don't let a whole lot of people into my close circle of friends, but I've got a lot more friends and acquaintances than ever before. That helped counteract the liking people problem as well, and once you get to know people, it's incredibly easier to be comfortable around them. Just fixing those problems wasn't enough for me, though. All that meant was that I was an average, ordinary member of society (I know, I know, just roll with it, ok?), and once I started being nice to people, I found how incredibly fulfilling it can be to actually make other people's days better.
Thinking back on likes and dislikes of my own and the few people I have hung out within the past, I made a list (ha!) of a few basic necessities to be a decent human being.
Naturally, there are other very important points in life, such as ethics and morals, but those are things that have been a part of me since I was young. Having a positive outlook on life, being nice to other people, and learning how to deal with humanity as a whole is what has been the biggest turnaround in my life. As I said, it's still a struggle now and then to keep from sinking back into being massively antisocial and full of hate, but I'm trying, and that's what counts. More importantly, it's apparent to other people, and helps make their lives better too. I think that's all you can ask for in life. Cheers!
Somewhat conveniently, it was about this time that I started college, first part-time around work, and then full-time as the company was bought out and my "customers are more important than money" attitude became unpopular. One thing college will do, no matter what age you are when you go, is expose you to other people. And while there are an awful lot of wet-behind-the-ears newbies spouting off the latest philosophy or slogan they've come across, there are also a lot of really interesting people with solid ideas (hint: if you're a bit of a strange cookie, look for the other strange cookies). Once I learned to choke back the instant dislike of having to interact with people, and actually engaged a few of them in conversations to find out why they believed what they did, rather than just what bandwagon they were on, I started to get along with them much better.
Now, I'll grant you, this is somewhat hit or miss. I did meet a lot of people whom I didn't particularly care for, and I still do, but I figured I'd just accept that and move on, after looking for at least one good reason they should be alive. Sometimes it just comes down to "well, they're a great example of what not to do in life," (and I'm definitely not advocating saying this to them!), but once you start looking for the good in people, it becomes a habit. Even today, I do my best to encourage people and give them support in their goals, because you never know what good you might do, with just a kind word.
Ok, so I'd somewhat gotten used to being around people, since it's hard to hide in a classroom, and I was learning to see the good in them, and even earn a few acquaintances here and there. But I was still pretty ticked off at the world in general. I have a tendency to make lists in life, not necessarily to check things off, but just to bring order to the chaos of thoughts. So one day, I sat down and started making a list of why I was angry at the world. I'm sure it was very cathartic, but the important thing, to me, was figuring out what the common themes were, and how to address them.
The most blatant one that popped up time after time was pretty simple, and nearly impossible to resolve: I had a view of the way things should work, and expected them to be done expediently and efficiently. After all, I was capable of making the things I needed to do happen, so why couldn't the rest of the world step it up? Shy of overthrowing multiple governments and either instituting dystopian-style conditioning or replacing humanity with robots, however, there will always be red tape, confusing processes, and inefficient people in the way of getting things done. As unsatisfactory as the solution sounds, the only way to get around this is to change your expectations of the world. I'm not saying let it walk all over you- you still have to have certain standards- but just realize and accept that things will go wrong, and learn to laugh at them instead of get angry.
 |
| This is a very hard lesson... |
This was, quite possibly, one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do. Even now, I don't have a complete grip on it; I'm sure very few people outside of monasteries feel comfortable in their mastery of this concept. Unfortunately, as much as I love my mother, she is where I got this problem from, so it's a pretty deeply ingrained habit. If someone does something incorrectly, inefficiently, or in a manner she feels is not "right" by her standards, she will make it patently obvious that she is dissatisfied, and will be angry about it for a good long time. As such, I took to fixing this issue in stages- first I made myself just let things go rather than dwell on them, and after a while, the time it took to do so got less and less. Now, for the most part, I can keep my cool while things are happening, and laugh it off once the situation is past. Not always, I'm still working on it, but every time you make the conscious effort to let things go and not let anger rule your life, it gets easier.
Alright, checklist: anger- working on it. Trust- it's building up, back there in the background. I still don't let a whole lot of people into my close circle of friends, but I've got a lot more friends and acquaintances than ever before. That helped counteract the liking people problem as well, and once you get to know people, it's incredibly easier to be comfortable around them. Just fixing those problems wasn't enough for me, though. All that meant was that I was an average, ordinary member of society (I know, I know, just roll with it, ok?), and once I started being nice to people, I found how incredibly fulfilling it can be to actually make other people's days better.
Thinking back on likes and dislikes of my own and the few people I have hung out within the past, I made a list (ha!) of a few basic necessities to be a decent human being.
- Treat others like real human beings. You'd be amazed at what this can do for someone, whether they're a CEO that you treat like a regular person or the minimum-wage slavey behind the cash register. Put your phone down, say hello, ask how their day is going; you might be the one thing that saves them from having a really, really miserable day.
- Provide encouragement to others. It came as a huge shock to me when I realized that not everyone grew up believing that they could do anything. So I made it a habit to help people along when they were feeling unequal to the task, and have seen some pretty cool results. Just in my dance class alone, a couple words of encouragement helped a new dancer go from wanting to quit, to being willing to sign up for competitions, and having the time of her life. Again, you never know when a simple statement can change someone's life.
- Smile. No, really. Even if you don't feel it. This is one of the first things I changed about myself, and over time, I truly believe it has made me a happier person. Other people are nicer to you, you feel better, and you create a better environment for yourself. Go on, try it.
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| Admit it, you're smiling now. |
Naturally, there are other very important points in life, such as ethics and morals, but those are things that have been a part of me since I was young. Having a positive outlook on life, being nice to other people, and learning how to deal with humanity as a whole is what has been the biggest turnaround in my life. As I said, it's still a struggle now and then to keep from sinking back into being massively antisocial and full of hate, but I'm trying, and that's what counts. More importantly, it's apparent to other people, and helps make their lives better too. I think that's all you can ask for in life. Cheers!
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