When we're young, we're taught that you should be fair, share what you have with others, and try to be the better person. My parents, in particular, focussed on trying to get us to see the other person's point of view when we got in an argument. While this is, in theory, an admirable goal, there are times when it becomes rather a hindrance in life.
Now, to start with, it takes a fair bit for me to get angry. Like long-term taking advantage of me, or being horrifically rude and never apologizing, or maliciously damaging my stuff. Outside of active ill-will, however, it's very hard for me to stay angry at someone, because my treacherous mind inevitably starts thinking, "well, look at it from their point of view. Do they have a reason for what they did? Is there logic behind their actions?" And, being the nice person I am, I convince myself that yes, they had a reason to do what they did, and then feel guilty about being angry.
Here's the problem with that though: From a logical, rational point of view, I have a reason to be angry, too. And by talking myself out of it, giving them (and not me) the benefit of the doubt, and letting it pass instead of confronting them and making them deal with the fact that they've upset me, they will never learn that what they did is unacceptable. Typically, this means that they continue to do it, and I just stay quiet until I'm pushed over the edge, have had enough, and walk away for good.
Compounding this problem is the idea in my head that I need to be non-confrontational. While I have no problem speaking my mind in frankness and honesty, I have had people tell me I am intimidating (even when not angry) too many times to feel entirely comfortable confronting people when I am pissed off. Add in the fact that I'm tall for a woman- I feel like I'm looming over many of the females I know anyway- and the recent push for awareness about bullying, ad I end up trying to avoid people when I'm mad. Unfortunately, this usually ends with waiting til I'm settled down to talk to them, and by then I just don't see the point anymore.
So, long story short, yes, there is benefit to trying to see the other side of an argument. Just don't take it too far, or you'll end up being taken advantage of, because people don't learn when they've crossed a line. Sometimes it's good to just let yourself be angry. In a productive way. Cheers!
Now, to start with, it takes a fair bit for me to get angry. Like long-term taking advantage of me, or being horrifically rude and never apologizing, or maliciously damaging my stuff. Outside of active ill-will, however, it's very hard for me to stay angry at someone, because my treacherous mind inevitably starts thinking, "well, look at it from their point of view. Do they have a reason for what they did? Is there logic behind their actions?" And, being the nice person I am, I convince myself that yes, they had a reason to do what they did, and then feel guilty about being angry.
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| A reused picture appears! It's still effective! |
Here's the problem with that though: From a logical, rational point of view, I have a reason to be angry, too. And by talking myself out of it, giving them (and not me) the benefit of the doubt, and letting it pass instead of confronting them and making them deal with the fact that they've upset me, they will never learn that what they did is unacceptable. Typically, this means that they continue to do it, and I just stay quiet until I'm pushed over the edge, have had enough, and walk away for good.
Compounding this problem is the idea in my head that I need to be non-confrontational. While I have no problem speaking my mind in frankness and honesty, I have had people tell me I am intimidating (even when not angry) too many times to feel entirely comfortable confronting people when I am pissed off. Add in the fact that I'm tall for a woman- I feel like I'm looming over many of the females I know anyway- and the recent push for awareness about bullying, ad I end up trying to avoid people when I'm mad. Unfortunately, this usually ends with waiting til I'm settled down to talk to them, and by then I just don't see the point anymore.
So, long story short, yes, there is benefit to trying to see the other side of an argument. Just don't take it too far, or you'll end up being taken advantage of, because people don't learn when they've crossed a line. Sometimes it's good to just let yourself be angry. In a productive way. Cheers!
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