Every so often, I hate being a woman. No, not because of hormones or cycles or any of that stuff, but rather than I am still viewed by society as a victim in potentiality. What? Not so! Women in the US have more rights now than ever! The glass ceiling is gone, we can vote, we can run for office, we are full US citizens with the same rights as everyone else right? Well, I won't get into all of that, not only because a) it's not entirely true, nor does it cover all of the issues that women face, but mostly because b) that's not what I'm going for. Here's the angle I'm coming from, today:
As a woman, even a tall, relatively fit woman, I am at a physiological disadvantage when it comes down to a physical alteration. Despite some basic knowledge of self-defense and a carry conceal permit, the chances of me winning if taken by surprise are pretty slim. From (minor) experiences I've had in the past, women aren't accustomed to being physically attacked, and our first reaction is shock. Yes it can be trained out, and yes I'd say the majority of people- men and women- would freeze, but our society has conditioned women to believe that we won't be physically manhandled (think the unspoken "don't hit a woman" rule), and we don't roughhouse enough to get used to it when we're young.
What's worse is that people who are inclined to attack others (for whatever reason) know this; so, given the option of attacking a woman with the above disadvantages or a man who is more likely to be used to physical interaction and less likely to be laboring under a physiological handicap, which would you pick?
While I do not have the space here to give this issue the full attention it deserves, I'd like to add a further liability to the mix: our society's view on rape. So much has happened even in the past year to bring to light the attitudes that major politicians have on this subject, and very little of it has been good. There have been attempts to categorize rape as simply another form of conception, to quantify "legitimate" vs "illegitimate" rape, to set precedents for casting sexual assault as the woman's fault for being wherever it took place (instead of virtuously staying at home), and to reword legal proceedings so that a person accused of rape cannot be referred to as an "accused rapist-" instead s/he could only be called "the accused," because adding "rapist" would cast him/ her in a negative light, and that's "unfair."
So added to the mental burden of being physically disadvantaged and having an increased chance of attack, women also have to shoulder the knowledge that, if we're attacked and forced into sexual contact, we will most likely be seen as- at best- guilty for not repudiating the attack strongly enough, and- at worst- asking for it. In neither case will we be granted public solace, comfort, or reparation for another person's decision to willfully harm us.
With all that in mind, I will admit that I am afraid. Whenever I walk alone past groups of males- regardless of age, race, socioeconomic status, or any other perceived variables- particularly in unsafe areas, I am afraid. The last time I was physically attacked was in a workplace full of middle-aged white guys, well-lit, and while I was on the job. Someone who (apparently) thought that warehouse attire was the latest word in sexy, and that a friendly "hello" when delivering auto glass was flirting decided that he wanted more, so he grabbed me by my hair, pulled me up against him, and started telling me what a dirty tease (among other things) I was.
My first reaction was disbelief. I couldn't have told you the guy's name, much less anything I'd done to warrant this sort of behavior. My second reaction was to kick his kneecap out of place, but I wasn't sure if that would get me fired (scary how well we internalize that message of "don't fight back"), so I just stood there. Fortunately, his co-workers came running up at that point and pulled him off me, apologizing profusely, and I never saw him again. But seriously, if that had happened not in a well-lit area with lots of people watching... I honestly can't say what would have happened. Would I have snapped out of it soon enough to defuse the situation? I've lain awake at night wondering about that; here's hoping I never have to find out.
Having been through that once, and in such a seemingly safe setting, is it any wonder that I get nervy when I'm alone at night? One thing that I've learned, though, is that living a life ruled by fear or dictated by others isn't really a life. I hate both the perceived and real weaknesses that I have to put up with, but I'm not going to let them tell me what I can and can't do. Instead, I do my best to follow common-sense rules, to protect myself as much as possible, at to try to accept that yes, it could happen, so I need to be prepared for that eventuality. And in the mean time, look out life, I'm not letting that slow me down.
As a woman, even a tall, relatively fit woman, I am at a physiological disadvantage when it comes down to a physical alteration. Despite some basic knowledge of self-defense and a carry conceal permit, the chances of me winning if taken by surprise are pretty slim. From (minor) experiences I've had in the past, women aren't accustomed to being physically attacked, and our first reaction is shock. Yes it can be trained out, and yes I'd say the majority of people- men and women- would freeze, but our society has conditioned women to believe that we won't be physically manhandled (think the unspoken "don't hit a woman" rule), and we don't roughhouse enough to get used to it when we're young.
What's worse is that people who are inclined to attack others (for whatever reason) know this; so, given the option of attacking a woman with the above disadvantages or a man who is more likely to be used to physical interaction and less likely to be laboring under a physiological handicap, which would you pick?
While I do not have the space here to give this issue the full attention it deserves, I'd like to add a further liability to the mix: our society's view on rape. So much has happened even in the past year to bring to light the attitudes that major politicians have on this subject, and very little of it has been good. There have been attempts to categorize rape as simply another form of conception, to quantify "legitimate" vs "illegitimate" rape, to set precedents for casting sexual assault as the woman's fault for being wherever it took place (instead of virtuously staying at home), and to reword legal proceedings so that a person accused of rape cannot be referred to as an "accused rapist-" instead s/he could only be called "the accused," because adding "rapist" would cast him/ her in a negative light, and that's "unfair."
So added to the mental burden of being physically disadvantaged and having an increased chance of attack, women also have to shoulder the knowledge that, if we're attacked and forced into sexual contact, we will most likely be seen as- at best- guilty for not repudiating the attack strongly enough, and- at worst- asking for it. In neither case will we be granted public solace, comfort, or reparation for another person's decision to willfully harm us.
With all that in mind, I will admit that I am afraid. Whenever I walk alone past groups of males- regardless of age, race, socioeconomic status, or any other perceived variables- particularly in unsafe areas, I am afraid. The last time I was physically attacked was in a workplace full of middle-aged white guys, well-lit, and while I was on the job. Someone who (apparently) thought that warehouse attire was the latest word in sexy, and that a friendly "hello" when delivering auto glass was flirting decided that he wanted more, so he grabbed me by my hair, pulled me up against him, and started telling me what a dirty tease (among other things) I was.
My first reaction was disbelief. I couldn't have told you the guy's name, much less anything I'd done to warrant this sort of behavior. My second reaction was to kick his kneecap out of place, but I wasn't sure if that would get me fired (scary how well we internalize that message of "don't fight back"), so I just stood there. Fortunately, his co-workers came running up at that point and pulled him off me, apologizing profusely, and I never saw him again. But seriously, if that had happened not in a well-lit area with lots of people watching... I honestly can't say what would have happened. Would I have snapped out of it soon enough to defuse the situation? I've lain awake at night wondering about that; here's hoping I never have to find out.
Having been through that once, and in such a seemingly safe setting, is it any wonder that I get nervy when I'm alone at night? One thing that I've learned, though, is that living a life ruled by fear or dictated by others isn't really a life. I hate both the perceived and real weaknesses that I have to put up with, but I'm not going to let them tell me what I can and can't do. Instead, I do my best to follow common-sense rules, to protect myself as much as possible, at to try to accept that yes, it could happen, so I need to be prepared for that eventuality. And in the mean time, look out life, I'm not letting that slow me down.
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