Sunday, January 12, 2014

When not to apologize

     You often hear the advice, "learn when to say no," regarding ways to uncomplicated your life and be happier. What they don't mention is the aftermath of that: saying no and not feeling badly about it. I've learned to say no to things like overtime, people who will drag your life down with drama, errant ex-boyfriends, horrible job offers, and invitations to events I really don't think I'd enjoy. The problem is that then I agonize over the decision, trying to decide if it was justified or just selfish and rude.

     Segue for a moment: this past week, I started a new job. It's the first full-time job I've had in five years, and it seems like a really good fit for me. The people are crazy (the good kind of crazy though), the work is diverse, and I'm not watching the clock every day, waiting for 5:00 to get there and free me. There's a lot to learn, but I'm enjoying it. So it stands to reason that this is the week that I get contacted by my translation internship to ask if I want to be involved in possibly opening up a branch office in my location. Had they asked before this job was on the horizon, I would have unhesitatingly jumped at the opportunity. But now, well, I have a better prospect, so I said thank you, but no.

     In the past, I would have felt guilty. I would have lamented the timing, the experience that I'll be missing out on, and the fact that I put my desires ahead of someone else's. But. I've come to realize that people generally don't hang all of their chances on one person- and certainly not a remote intern that you contact once a week for assignments- so my saying no will allow them to find someone who will be devoted to the branch opening, and will therefore do a much better job than I would be able to, distracted by my actual, full-time job.

     The lesson here is that the world will get on just fine without me, so I need to settle in and enjoy the parts of it that I choose to participate in, and not worry about the parts that I don't. If I can help, that's great! I absolutely will! But if not, it'll still be okay, and I need to not let that drag me down. Sometimes (not always), selfishness is simply a way of letting others get opportunities they need to really shine. 

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