You often hear the advice, "learn when to say no," regarding ways to uncomplicated your life and be happier. What they don't mention is the aftermath of that: saying no and not feeling badly about it. I've learned to say no to things like overtime, people who will drag your life down with drama, errant ex-boyfriends, horrible job offers, and invitations to events I really don't think I'd enjoy. The problem is that then I agonize over the decision, trying to decide if it was justified or just selfish and rude.
Segue for a moment: this past week, I started a new job. It's the first full-time job I've had in five years, and it seems like a really good fit for me. The people are crazy (the good kind of crazy though), the work is diverse, and I'm not watching the clock every day, waiting for 5:00 to get there and free me. There's a lot to learn, but I'm enjoying it. So it stands to reason that this is the week that I get contacted by my translation internship to ask if I want to be involved in possibly opening up a branch office in my location. Had they asked before this job was on the horizon, I would have unhesitatingly jumped at the opportunity. But now, well, I have a better prospect, so I said thank you, but no.
In the past, I would have felt guilty. I would have lamented the timing, the experience that I'll be missing out on, and the fact that I put my desires ahead of someone else's. But. I've come to realize that people generally don't hang all of their chances on one person- and certainly not a remote intern that you contact once a week for assignments- so my saying no will allow them to find someone who will be devoted to the branch opening, and will therefore do a much better job than I would be able to, distracted by my actual, full-time job.
The lesson here is that the world will get on just fine without me, so I need to settle in and enjoy the parts of it that I choose to participate in, and not worry about the parts that I don't. If I can help, that's great! I absolutely will! But if not, it'll still be okay, and I need to not let that drag me down. Sometimes (not always), selfishness is simply a way of letting others get opportunities they need to really shine.
Segue for a moment: this past week, I started a new job. It's the first full-time job I've had in five years, and it seems like a really good fit for me. The people are crazy (the good kind of crazy though), the work is diverse, and I'm not watching the clock every day, waiting for 5:00 to get there and free me. There's a lot to learn, but I'm enjoying it. So it stands to reason that this is the week that I get contacted by my translation internship to ask if I want to be involved in possibly opening up a branch office in my location. Had they asked before this job was on the horizon, I would have unhesitatingly jumped at the opportunity. But now, well, I have a better prospect, so I said thank you, but no.
In the past, I would have felt guilty. I would have lamented the timing, the experience that I'll be missing out on, and the fact that I put my desires ahead of someone else's. But. I've come to realize that people generally don't hang all of their chances on one person- and certainly not a remote intern that you contact once a week for assignments- so my saying no will allow them to find someone who will be devoted to the branch opening, and will therefore do a much better job than I would be able to, distracted by my actual, full-time job.
The lesson here is that the world will get on just fine without me, so I need to settle in and enjoy the parts of it that I choose to participate in, and not worry about the parts that I don't. If I can help, that's great! I absolutely will! But if not, it'll still be okay, and I need to not let that drag me down. Sometimes (not always), selfishness is simply a way of letting others get opportunities they need to really shine.
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