Random reflections

"Individuals aren't naturally paid-up members of the human race, except biologically. They need to be bounced around by the Brownian motion of society, which is a mechanism by which human beings constantly remind one another that they are... well... human beings." - Terry Pratchett

I'm realizing the importance of this, lately. When I was younger (and didn't date), I figured I could learn from other people's mistakes. While I do feel I learned a lot from watching my friends date, and break up, and do the same things again with someone else, I'm beginning to realize I missed out on a couple lessons.

So! Things I have learned lately:

1. I do not need to cherish my anger, and let it rule me. It was fine when I was a teenager, I'm past that now.
2. I do not need to doubt myself, second guess my choices, or look to anyone else to validate me. That being said, it is good to touch base with a good friend now and then, so they can tell you if you're being stupid.
3. While I do have a number of faults, I work on recognizing them, and either fixing them, or minimizing their impact on my life.
4. Someday, I will find someone who accepts me, faults and all, rather than expecting me to fix them, immediately.
5. Living in the now while planning wisely for the future does not mix well with having someone in your life who holds on to the past. It's hard enough to let go of the past and move on when that someone is dragging it along for you, throwing it in your face.
6. I really, really, really need this time to myself, to strengthen my acceptance of myself, my belief in my abilities, and to determine what I am doing with my life and myself.

Somehow, I had managed to regress in the most recent relationship to a point very similar to where I was in my first relationship. This time, though, I managed to pull myself out of it, and am doing my best to learn and move on. Not without tears, mind you, but knowing that sometimes the whole point of having someone in your life is to force you to learn lessons really helps. I feel like I'm a lot calmer, more centered, and better equipped to deal with people. At least this time it didn't take 8 years! :)