When not to apologize

     You often hear the advice, "learn when to say no," regarding ways to uncomplicated your life and be happier. What they don't mention is the aftermath of that: saying no and not feeling badly about it. I've learned to say no to things like overtime, people who will drag your life down with drama, errant ex-boyfriends, horrible job offers, and invitations to events I really don't think I'd enjoy. The problem is that then I agonize over the decision, trying to decide if it was justified or just selfish and rude.

     Segue for a moment: this past week, I started a new job. It's the first full-time job I've had in five years, and it seems like a really good fit for me. The people are crazy (the good kind of crazy though), the work is diverse, and I'm not watching the clock every day, waiting for 5:00 to get there and free me. There's a lot to learn, but I'm enjoying it. So it stands to reason that this is the week that I get contacted by my translation internship to ask if I want to be involved in possibly opening up a branch office in my location. Had they asked before this job was on the horizon, I would have unhesitatingly jumped at the opportunity. But now, well, I have a better prospect, so I said thank you, but no.

Scaring myself

     For those of you who are familiar with the Meyers-Briggs test, I am an INTJ, though a number of the criteria are close to balanced. For those of you not familiar with it, that means I tend to be introverted, intuit things and see the big picture, value objectivity, and plan things well in advance. One of the habits of INTJs is that we tend to have only a few close friends, who are often INTJs themselves.  So it came as no surprise to me that, when I took a job that required making collection calls (phone communication being typically anathema to INTJ folk), the response was overwhelmingly along the lines of "Holy crap, WHY would you do that???"

     For what it's worth, I even asked the same question of myself, because I hate talking on the phone.  It's impossible to use or gauge reactions to nonverbal communication, such as body language, facial expressions, gestures, and the like. Instead you have to rely on tonal inflections, which are very easy to fake. There is also the problem of communication lag, or feedback, or bad connections, which make conversations awkward and halting, situations that INTJs typically avoid like the plague. Last but not least, you're talking to people you don't know (awkward), about fairly personal issues (money and medical history), and there's a good chance that, once they figure out who you are and why you're calling, they're going to hate your guts and be rude just to get rid of you. Why would someone choose to do that?